Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend won't leave me alone

35 replies

BigPawsBrown · 17/09/2014 15:03

I know the title sounds harsh.

I went to university with somebody and, as a house, we all got on okay. Everyone else has moved away and it's just us two left here. Her husband left her unexpectedly two years ago and I really helped her, middle of the night calls, visits etc etc. However a year after that I got really ill and she was rubbish (she turned up with a hamper for another friend who was ill during pregnancy Sad) and was just generally a bit crap (disbelieving, etc. I was eventually diagnosed with an autoinflammatory disorder but before that I was tested quite extensively for HIV due to my symptoms which she made a joke about Sad). I have been trying to 'cool down' the friendship and haven't seen her for 6 months other than one cup of coffee when the rest of our university friends were up.

On Friday night she texted me asking if she could come over on Saturday. I am very busy at the moment and not really seeing anyone (I'm a lawyer, just got a literary agent and am writing my next book while the first is out on submission), so said sorry and explained. She said 'ok, another time'.

At 5pm on Saturday my doorbell rang. She had decided to come anyway. I was astounded really and just stepped aside and she stayed for 2.5 hours.

I was wearing my pyjamas and no make up, house a mess etc (I'm really struggling to manage my time which is a post for another day).

Evidently she enjoyed herself because she is now back to daily texts and wanting to meet for lunch etc.

Do I need to just spell it out to her? The whole 'just coming anyway' thing (she did say, "I figured you'd want a break from writing your novel!" meanwhile I am STRESSED OUT OF MY MIND with both-jobs deadlines!) was so emblematic of what she is like - all about her, totally obtuse to hints - that I think I might need to.

I was happy to see her every few months for a bit but my life is so busy at the moment I am thinking I should just 'dump' her. or is this mean?

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 17/09/2014 18:53

Big short version please.

Original poster
BigPawsBrown · 17/09/2014 19:03

I wrote a book and sent off the first three chapters to some agents: one asked for the full manuscript and asked to represent me after she liked it.

OP posts:
schmee · 17/09/2014 19:08

Haha at TaliZorahVasNormandy!

RambleOn · 17/09/2014 19:11

If you're looking for a friend with no faults, you'll never have a friend at all.

tipsytrifle · 17/09/2014 19:13

Actually, mostly interested in saying go you!! With the book!

Also thinking that the weasel had it right too about the alleged friendship
at Wed 17-Sep-14 17:07:06

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 17/09/2014 19:13

Ok, thanks Big atleast I know now.

FuckOffWeasel · 17/09/2014 19:48

There is "no faults" and there is "ditches you when you are ill and takes the piss out of having HIV"!

Original poster
BigPawsBrown · 17/09/2014 20:06

RambleOn I have plenty of friends who I don't find fault with and who I am more than happy to see despite being busy.

She didn't ditch while I was ill exactly - she was just quite unsympathetic and dismissive despite coming over when id been off work for a few months and seeing me ill. Even then she was sceptical and asked "Which glands exactly are up, then?" err my groin glands...

Thanks for the kind words and good luck wishes re me book!

OP posts:
Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 17/09/2014 20:07

Bin. She only came to see you cos she was seeing someone else in the area. Analyse her past behaviour. Has she ever done anything nice that took actual effort on her part? She sounds grim even if she does go the extra mile. Boils on the shoulders with pupating insects coming out of them is a comedy illness, not bloody HIV/AIDS the dopey cow! I would stop answering her texts and stop answering the door. About two years of this will do it. I would make zero effort for the likes of her!

Debbierocket123 · 18/05/2018 12:30

Oh my god I feel like I am in the exact same situation! I have a friend that I "broke friends" years ago, now she's back in my life I get 3 phone calls a day and loads of texts saying how she wants to meet up every week now. I still haven't worked out what to do because I don't want to upset her. You can either:

  • ignore her completely until she gets the drift
  • tell her directly that you don't have much time, you've got commitments and stress and you need space to yourself. If you want to meet her it will be for a quick coffee every few months

Don't answer the door if she calls without warning, or if you do answer, just tell her you are in the middle of something and "can we catch up another time?". Don't explain yourself she doesn't need to know.

hope this helps :)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page