I should be happy, why am I in tears all the time?

[Bogeyface]

VVV long story short....almost 2 years ago H got made redundant from his management job, no notice given, was a bolt from the blue and we had to claim his severance from the Insolvency service. After 8 months of us both trying he managed to get a job in a warehouse on 0 hours contract and NMW.

To say it has been a struggle is understatement of the century, without help from my parents after the redundancy money ran out we would wouldnt have managed. Some weeks he had 2 shifts, some none at all.

Yesterday he started a permanent job in the career he was in pre-redundancy. Better money, guaranteed hours etc etc. Its what we have been looking for all along (I have been looking too but only managed 2 interviews in 18 months :( ), he is on cloud 9.

Why am I on the verge of tears the whole time? I just feel so miserable. His job will involve unsociable hours but he will be home every night and it was unsociable hours before so I dont think its that. I just have the overwhelming feeling of sadness, its not depression I dont think as I have had that and I know how it feels.

I am a coper by nature, I am fantastic at crisis management and seem to thrive on it. Perhaps now I dont need to "cope" in the same way, I am finally coming down from the stresses that started in November 2012?

I dont know what it is but I just feel so down :(

RJ you have a very good memory! No the business really wasnt worth the hours it took tbh. When I worked out the hours spent and the money made I think I was on about 75p per hour!

I do have another venture idea in my head though, one with much lower outlay too. I wont say too much now but I will keep you posted! I couldnt start it before because I needed to be free to accept jobs offers (hah!) but now I can.

That sounds really reasonable, Bogey. I'm not saying you want him to suffer but sometimes it doesn't feel just to keep getting the fuzzy end of the lollypop in a relationship and then luck seems to favour someone who behaved badly. It happens quite a lot in life but it always hurts, somehow. Don't beat yourself up about it, and don't bury it into resentment either. Focus on your own life and achievements, if you can. And remember, anger is healthier than sadness. It's there to prop you up and blaze you forward. So don't repress that if you feel it.

I shall wait for future updates!

I had better go sleep because I have work in the morning but remember - it is okay to feel the way you feel.

Hope you do get some sleep as well.

THanks RJ :)

Take care xx

Thanks Blood. You're right perhaps I should harness "its not fair!!" and turn it into something more positive, for me and for my marriage.

Thanks again xx

I get ya re. the "hunch" but this is good for the family right, so try to separate your feelings about it. They are probably all mixed up together at the moment, but when the dust settles and you get into the new routine you will be better able to evaluate your position I think.