I could really do with some opinions as to whether I am just expecting too much or whether my OH is being unfair. (particularly bearing in mind his age)
I'll apologize in advance if it is long.
There is a considerable age gap between my OH and I, I am in my early 40s and my OH is 70. We have 2 young children, both are biologically mine but were conceived using donor sperm. The first my OH agreed to, the second He now says he did not agree to. (He encouraged me to sleep with a one night stand, denies I told him I was ovulating and at 13 weeks suggested I have an abortion. I refused and at around 35 weeks asked who I was giving the baby away to.
For me my unhappiness with his behavior was brought to a head last night. I was feeling extremely ill with a nasty headache (so bad I was vomiting) and when I said I was going to bed (and for information we sleep in separate rooms and have done for several years with no intimate contact) having put both children to bed his response was, 'if you're that ill you'd better phone your mother, you're not going to put on me.' (My OH doesn't like my family, is extremely critical of them and has recently said he doesn't want them to come here.) There was no expression of concern or sympathy for me, no offers of help and this morning the same, he didn't ask how I was.
He says he feels he is an extremely good father yet never does overnights or early mornings, never has the younger child alone, will only entertain the older one for extremely limited periods, an example today was that I had a physio appointment (which he has been extremely dismissive of, telling me I'm wasting their time because I can still move around and look normal - he actually suggested I didn't bother turning up today.) He had the oldest child (4) with him at the cafe at the beach nearby while I had to take the younger (1) to my appointment.
He tells me I'm grossly overweight (9st 8 and 5'4") I stink, I'm making the whole house smell, I need to see a doctor ( I have in the past when he's said this, there's nothing wrong with me and I do wash daily) I'm neurotic, there must be something wrong with me and I need to get help. (last few incidences of this were: today objecting to him using the phone while driving - he actually said a few other rude things about my attitude to this too. A few weeks ago when I was getting agitated about making an appointment on time and another occasion when I wanted to get to the chemist to get a prescription and I rushed down 1/2 hour before they were due to close.)
He does have 2 previous wives who he describes as neurotic and the second as anorexic. I obviously only have his description as to what went wrong.
He is very critical of the state of the house mess/lack of housework/washing/ironing/dog needs a wash.
He no longer has any contact with his family/children and in every instance he blames them (although listening to what he has to say he may well be right)
We have lost contact with some friends, he suggests maybe it's me the took offence to.
If he wishes to sit in front of the TV or spend 1/2 hour in the bathroom he will, I get no such consideration.
To me his behavior seems extremely entitled and anything I say that contradicts him will be denied, minimized or turned around.
His behavior with our eldest child is concerning to me. He feels the only way to deal with it is shouting, if he has to repeat himself more than twice then he shouts and swears at the top of his voice, reducing said child to tears and often then storms from the room. He says he is out of control/rules the roost. He actually said a few weeks ago that child needs a damn good beating so that they are petrified to disobey. Our child has a habit of squealing when he doesn't get his own way.
He has threatened violence in the past but never carried it through. He also has occasional rages where he will throw things or try to smash things. Sulky silences normally follow.
I have no doubt if I were to show this to him he'd deny the lot or twist it round to my problems, maybe it is me? Maybe I just expect too much.
He obviously has good points. He does the breakfast and dinner in the evening and helps with the shopping.
I feel extremely sad and guilty to feel I may be taking the children away from him, he has expressed that he is content, he has his family around him.
Sorry it is so bitty, it's been very difficult to try to write this.