Have you had a relatives visit...

[BunnyChow]

That leave you annoyed/irritated as an after effect? This is the first time I'm feeling this. Had my in laws visit for 10 days and It feels really strange. Almost like when you take a really bitter medicine and you cannot spit it out but surely don't want to swallow it either...

Ah sorry x post. Well, since they don't trust you, I would make it clear that this is not a healthy basis for looking after them - and decline politely. Also the fact that your parents' needs are met with stony silence is telling.

They will have to use their money to have someone else looking after them.

Tell them to get lost then. Because you know full well that you and your dh will do 'the caring/looking after' them in their old age but the house and any money will go to the favourite ones and you will get the bear minimum or nothing.

Your original post said 'it feels really strange' as if there was some mystery behind why you'd be feeling annoyed, upset, frustrated, resentful or whatever. They were clearly appalling & selfish house-guests (your DH's policy of not speaking to them sounds cowardly/passive) and they massively overstayed their welcome. No mystery. As for bizarre ideas of 'care plans', decline and ignore. You don't sound like you need an inheritance particularly so they've got nothing to hold over you.

Ok they have a house and money - when the time comes THAT pays for the old people's home of your choice!!!!

How does the sainted BIL get on with them?? You may find that he can't stand them either and that being busy is a good excuse!!!!

Whatever happens don't give in to them. You owe it to yourselves, your kids, your sanity. They will be even worse when feeling 'delicate' and never even able to get a cup of tea themselves.

By all means let them know exactly why not. Serve em right for their favouritsm!!!

I'm just so glad to have got my house back...I had a peaceful sleep last night after what felt like ages....
Cinnamon- yes I'll point out that how can they live with people they don't trust.
Clutter- we don't want anything from them, wish they would understand that. Their master plan looks like to dangle the property like a carrot and get their care sorted by both sons . What they don't comprehend is the fact that we would never go to live with them or ask them for any help.

"What they don't comprehend is the fact that we would never go to live with them or ask them for any help."

In which case your husband needs to tell them that plainly and in words of one syllable. You don't need their enticements/blackmail of property and money, you won't be sacrificing your careers for all the tea in China and you won't be inviting them to spend their dotage with you here either, so they need to ensure their arrangements do not include you in any shape, way or form.

That should put paid to any further visits too, so trebles all round!

havent read it all but selfish seems appropriate
after 20y of MIL visits we agree i cant stand her and she knows this now and leaves me alone much more - like you, doesnt give a about her only 2 grandchildren and when last was 5m old and she came for xmas and i had a go at her about her not helping out she said - 'dh will help you'

2 choices, simmer resentment and let it build and be poisonous to you
or
what i wish i had done earlier
tell them politely respectfully and firmly when they annoy you, eg 'i could really do with some help with ...x...' or 'i really dont like conversation of that sort' or whatever. try to train them and get out your negative emotion at the time or it will build
good luck with them