Is this left over grief ? feeling upset over a relationship thats been over a year.

[gottafindaman4yagirl]

Been living apart and split from ex for a year, been doing the OLD and been keeping busy.

Ex husband came over to pick up some stuff and I have been tearful since he left. Maybe its the memories and the fact that he was my first love that i'm getting sentimental about giving back cds and books, gifts I got him during the 12 years we were together.

I thought I had moved on, what's wrong with me. Before we split we argued, didn't have sex and the loving side had vanished, I don't fancy him the way I use to. Is this just normal grieving.

Have children together so don't have the luxury of just walking away. Maybe I just feel sorry for myself and realize I will probably be alone for a very long time, OLD sucks and at 33 I feel lost a bit.

Sorry to ramble on, just wanted to get it out there, maybe some words of wisdom please.

You poor love, all sounds completely normal. It's always a sad moment when it comes to handing over personal items, so many memories are going with them too. 12 years is a long time and if you have kids together then you're more emotionally tied to that person so they can definitely take that little bit longer to get over and stop missing completely. I'm assuming your relationship was good at some point, this will be the part you're grieving - not the time leading up to your split.

Be kind to yourself. 33 is still very young, don't lump yourself on the scrap heap just yet!

Thanks Ermagerd, All the stuff that's going back holds all the good memories and probably clouding my judgement. Ex wanted to go through stuff together but I don't think I can do that, too much emotion involved and I don't want to start crying in front of him. It took me about 6 months to pull myself together and this is the first time in six months I have cried over the split.

Ex has been dragging his feet for a year with getting his life in order and so had no room to take his stuff. I suppose this is the final step and good bye to all those memories.

Maybe its just a release now he is moving into his own home, I think he was stalling.

I just hope I can find happiness again but first I need to be happy in myself which at times I get all that negative talk going on, end up wanting a couple of drinks to drown the feelings.

I know i'm not old but I spent a lot of my young years in a relationship and the last 4 years were not good.

Still tearful which is silly.

It's totally normal. I'd go further and say to expect more days like that in the future. 'Moving on' after an emotionally traumatic event is a continuous & cyclical process. You have good days and bad days and all that happens is that the bad days get further apart rather than stop all together. You'll have to deal with significant anniversaries, memories etc. One day he'll announce he's got a new partner and that's always a wobbly moment.

I'm 20 years down the track from being dumped by my exH and, even now, even though my life is completely different and I'm really quite content, if I'm caught off guard and a particular song comes on the radio or something else sparks a memory, it still hurts.

I think the problem is remembering the good and not the reasons it didn't work. Have tried to clear the house we shared and make it new and my own.

Cogito, I can relate to the memories and I will have to admit to myself that its a part of my life that will always be part of me and just learn to except and keep moving forward.....Amnesia would be welcomed sometimes :)

Going to work out and try and lift my mood and butt.

That sounds like a good plan. I think you've got a very positive attitude, and you're doing well. Maybe it's because you've been doing so well that you've been rattled by an unexpected rush of emotion on this occasion? It'll pass. Good luck

Your doing great,Different people grieve at different rates only you know when it's over,You arenot grieving for ex you are grieving for your imagined life your hopes and dreams and that's a big loss no matter how difficult things may have been.Give yourself time to heal properly and all will be well.Elizabeth kubler Ross writes about stages of grief have a look and see which stage you feel you are at and how far you've come.Seperation and divorce in long term relationships is the same as a bereavement in the grief process the emotions are almost identical so be kind to yourself.

You're not old, at your age I was single and hadn't even had a serious relationship!

Im now 40 with two small babies.

Your life is just starting again.

Be kind to yourself.

Thanks all for kind words and your support. Just came out the blue, still feel tearful but I after speaking to my Mum I had a good think and Bessie is right about imagined life, rose tinted glasses need to come off. Early night and tomorrow is a new day.