Anxious, jealous, controlling and nagging....

[Edenviolet]

How can I stop being the above and improve my relationship with dh?

We get very little time together and recently he has started spending more time away from home. When he's there I find myself nagging, questioning and being grumpy.
I have always been jealous but its getting worse. I really want to improve things.

Doi just need to stop and think. To not moan about the mess or nag about all the things that need doing etc? How can I rein in my jealousy as its out if hand.he turns away from the tv if an advert with any vaguely attractive woman comes on as I'm so insecure. Its horrible. I feel horrible, he's not happy.

Would counselling as a couple help or do I just need to stop it all now somehow?

No, he went last year and wanted to go again next year but I told him in no uncertain terms it cannot happen. Maybe in a few years time but not when dcs are so young and need so much care.
He does however have a weekend away this weekend. That I can just about cope with as I do know he needs to rest (but I imagine by the sun eve I will be exhausted).

I have fortunately been getting on a lot better with dsis and she has made huge efforts along with her partner to learn how to care for my dcs (she can't alone as she has epilepsy so he has been learning with her) she wants to have them one weekend all four 9-5, the older two overnight then all four again the following day to give me and dh some time together. There's so much to go through though that she's a bit overwhelmed although has actually been the first to give dd2 her insulin apart from dh and I since dd was diagnosed in 2012 so there is light at the end of the tunnel. The thing is I feel a bit anxious about a weekend with just dh, I don't even know what we have in common or what to do

He's not lazy at all. I think he just has lower standards than me regarding the house and can balance housework with time relaxing watching tv whereas I want to carry on till the house is spotless so as to have a 'head start' the following day

well that's very generous of your sis

this can be the perfect opportunity to "connect"

looks like there is a window for spending time together,which hasnt really happened before

I think she has seen how terribly we are struggling and she is very very close to dd2, she used to spend a lot of time with her but then I think went through a phase of almost mourning and feeling that due to dds diabetes and her own epilepsy that she couldn't ever take her anywhere in case one or both of them were ill.
She has made huge efforts and spent a lot of time watching how we do things and learning alongside her partner and the fact they are willing to have all dcs for whole days at a time would be a godsend.

Seems silly that I'm them worrying over how to talk to/what to talk about with dh. We literally only ever talk about dcs and its never about anything other than dcs, appts etc etc

i think that happens in many relationships,only talking about kids,work,house etc

atleast you recognize this,some dont and realise when it's to late

it's bound to feel strange at first,no kids to tend to,no interruptions,dont expect to much to soon,just enjoy the peace and it will all come together

good luck