Not exactly serious stuff but what are the signs a guy likes you back?

[elastoplast]

That's it, really.

I'm not a mum I am a student but need advice, anyway, so thought I'd ask here where there are a lot of other women about. I have friends but they're not very experienced with men, either.

The thing is this, I -along with a few friends- drink regularly at a pub where I a man I really fancy and like also drinks. He's a few years older-I'm 18 to his 25 but we are both single. He is quite shy so it's hard to see the signs and any signs I see may just be wishful thinking on my part.

Anyway, yesterday the pub was quiet -just me and a friend who had gone to the loo. In he walks, we exchange greetings and he waits at the bar to get served but bartender not there. He then walks towards me, takes my hand, kisses it without saying a word and goes back to the bar as if nothing had happened.

In retrospect this seems quite unusual yet it felt so right at the same time. In fact, I feel quite happy thinking about it.

He has kissed my hand a few times, and I just want to know, is this just friendliness or something else. Please don't say ask him as it would be embarrassing if he did not feel the same.

Ask him. You're both grown-ups and if you want to be in a relationship with this guy you're going to have to park the embarrassment, stop looking for 'signs' and be a little more assertive. Sounds to me as though he likes you but please take the lead & risk rejection rather than doing the coy damsel routine and relying on telepathy. Doesn't do you any favours in the long run.

Be assertive. 'Hey HandKissGuy... what am I Lady Guinevere? :) Fancy getting out of here and going somewhere we can talk?'

Thanks for the reply, CogitoErgoSometimes, I say that because my 'problem' is trivial, really. Perhaps I should just find a pretext to talk to him or something like that.

Why not take the pretext he keeps offering you?

Him: "sluurp"
You: Do you do that with every woman you meet?
Him: Yes
You: Funny habit!

Him: "sluurp"
You: Do you do that with every woman you meet?
Him: No
You: Just with me?
Him: Yes
You: So you're flirting? [bat eyelashes]
-flirting ensues-

I could I suppose but I'd go red as beetroot. Perhaps I shall try it but no quite as flirtatiously. I don't normally have this problem with men but there is something so attractive about this man that I feel really tongue-tied around him. He doesn't do this with every woman, btw, not saying he doesn't do it with any woman but me at all, he might do, not every woman.

Is it a positive sign, though? I just don't know if this is just liking or fancying.

Going red as a beetroot would be great, though! Nothing like a blush to say "I'm interested". You have to give him a few signs too, poor lad!

I probably did go red, but does he fancy me though -I know what I've said here isn't that much to go on, but still is it a sign? If I knew it were, it would give me a bit more confidence.

It was such an odd gesture-especially the way he did it: if we'd never met before and it was a 'how do you do?' sort of thing, I'd find it a bit quaint but not worth thinking about and it would not be so strange.

But if felt so natural all the same. Got to go to uni now. Thanks for replying so far.

In my experience, when boys men do something funny like that, they probably do fancy you and are just a bit shy. They probably think it's a massive sign and absolutely unmistakeable for you to read :-)
Reminds me of my days at uni, when I was too shy to respond to the funny behaviour!

I think there is a slightly. Odd thing here and that is the age difference of 7 years. Ask yourself why he isn't hanging around with people his own age, and ask yourself the same.

Some men find much younger women attractive simply because they are less threatening and easier to control, if that is their thing.

Cogito's suggestion to be very assertive and approach him, is a good one as it will put off anyone who is controlling.

Do read up about the definition of emotional abuse, if you haven't already.

What is the age limit for hanging around with people of your own age, then? Five years?

She's not much younger than him; he might not even know exactly how old she is, and lots of men find much older and younger women attractive because they are just their type. I'd say the "tiny signs of flirting" stage is a bit early to be diagnosing a cotrolling personality.

It's never too early to learn about EA. These men always choose younger women. The difference between 18 and 25 is huge. She has just left school.

If it's not 100% OP, walk away, whatever his age. The fact that you are not sure about his intentions means it probably isn't. The world is full of lovely people and to get involved with a much older man when you have just started Uni and are really just finding out about life I think is not necessary.

Without wishing to sound too doomy - because it's supposed to be lighthearted thread - I think you make a really good point DaughterDilemma. A lot of people are self-conscious at 18yo but the shy schoolgirl, inexperienced ingénue thing is so often cat-nip to older guys wanting to take advantage that it's got to be factored in as a possibility. That's why I think it's important not to sit waiting or get too flustered just because a man has shown a bit of an interest but to decide 'what do I want?' and go for it. Always be in control of your own life rather than waiting for others to snap their fingers.

Bottom line is, we don't know if he fancies you or is just being friendly.

Actually, you're young, intelligent, sociable, beautiful by virtue of those factors alone, and he's flirting with you. So I'd say it's a pretty safe bet he does fancy you.

What you need to ascertain now is whether what he is offering (relationship/quick fling/one night stand/fwb) is what you want. Don't accept anything less than what you want and don't think you can change his mind ( eg turn a ons into a relationahip).

He may well be a little bit smitten, or he may like collecting freshers.

But the others are right. You will have to communicate with him... good luck

Wow a bit surprised that emotional abuse has been mentioned here; for what it is worth, I am 19 soon and he has just turned 25. No offence, but the mention of emotional abuse seems over the top to me. I don't think he even knows my EXACT age!

Anyway, I don't think he likes collecting freshers at all. Nor is he a 'player'.

I just wanted to know from women of more experience if this action was a sign of sexual attraction, that's all because although men have kissed my hand before, it's usually as a greeting but the way in which he did it threw me a bit (in a nice way).

What us 'women of more experience' are telling you is that if you rely on interpreting signs, it can lead you down a few blind alleys - some less savoury than others. :) So communicate in plain English, be clear about what it is you want & keep your wits about you.

Just speak to him OP. Get to know him. If he likes you you will know by how he responds and his body language. Pay careful attention about how he talks about others. Men tell you who they are in the things they say.

As long as you know about emotional abuse you will be fine. There are countless threads on here of women much older than you who are in EA relationships which they wish they had recognised years ago. They end up stuck for years and years.

Many of their relationships start when they are young or vulnerable, often the men are older. There is a huge difference in maturity and life experience between 18 and 25. But sorry I didn't mean to scare you, he might be perfectly nice.

Another good yardstick of men is whether your friends like him or you share similar interests. It sounds really shallow but your friends know you better than anyone and if any of them voice genuine concerns, take heed and be prepared to run.