Losing the spark...or was it ever there in the first place?

[heartshapedflux]

I read a lot of threads on here about women deliberating whether they should end their marriages, because the spark is gone. I'm not talking about relationships where there has been infidelity / bullying / violence, etc because in those instances it's totally understandable how unreasonable behaviour could extinguish the spark. I'm talking about relationships where the passion has died over time to the extent where a brother/sister relationship presides.

I'm getting married next year to my partner of 4 years. The spark is still as strong as ever and I find it hard to conceive that we'd ever fall out of love with each other (unless one of us did something unforgivable, which again is inconceivable to me). Naturally though, it's a scary thought pledging your life to someone, when of course in life there are no guarantees.

Those of you who love your OH, but aren't "in love" anymore: Was there ever a time when you were so madly in love, physically attracted to each other and emotionally connected that you couldn't possibly imagine those feelings fading? (And if so, do you think there's anything either of you could have done to stop it fading?)

Or was the relationship always based more on compatible values / interests / character traits and there was never a giant spark of attraction to lose in the first place?

Also, out of interest, how many of you still in LTR's / marriages are still madly in love with their OH's?

XH and I had spark, passion, humour, friendship and pretty much everything when we got together; couldn't keep our hands off each other. Fast forward about 15 years and the passion had gone AWOL largely due to hectic lives, me working full time and studying. I thought we were getting through the hard bit and would enjoy each other again once my exams were done. He thought we'd run our course and started having an affair... Usual story, we'd stopped communicating and hadn't noticed.

I don't think you can worry too much about the future as so many unforeseen things will happen. All you can base your decision on is the 'now' as you understand it. If you are certain that your dp is honourable and sees your welfare as part of his own, that's about as certain as it can be. If you know that you have fundamental differences over certain issues (money, children, alcohol for example) then you need to think very carefully about signing up to a lifetime commitment as these issues only get bigger.

The spark will change over time - maybe something you fancy about him now will diminish but something else (e.g. the way he plumbed in a new bathroom and gave up his weekends for a month to tile it) will make you see something else in him that attracts you.

You can't be sure it will work: no-one can be. But if you're sure of yourself and the four years you've spent together have been good, then you have a strong foundation to build on. Stop worrying and enjoy the run up to your big day!

Hi OP. Silver anniversary for us in 3 weeks.

"Never stop talking" seems to work. Daft sense of humour helps. Also complementary skills. DW can lay carpet to retail standard and sew, I can cook from scratch and do military grade ironing.