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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help dealing with anger and bitterness

2 replies

SoyaTea · 14/09/2014 09:22

I have a baby who is nearing 6 months old. My ex didn't want the baby and cut off all contact during the pregnancy. We did reconcile for a time after the birth, but he found a very silly excuse to cut contact with our child after becoming bored with me when I wouldn't sleep with him. He was very good at pretending to be a loving father during that time, but I see now it was an act. He has also refused to let the baby continue contact with his family, despite also saying they wanted to contact...just to be mean.

He has another child from a previous relationship and is very active in that child's life. 99% of people who know him would say what a kind, loving and thoughtful person he is...but he has since said the most horrible things about our child - including that they were never wanted, and I should know where his priorities lay by the way he treats his other one compared to ours. He even sent nasty messages the day our baby was in hospital having an operation for a congenital condition, because he knew it would hurt me. He has been absolutely awful and really spiteful.

What's worse is I opened a claim for maintenence and somehow HMRC have his income as 3k per year - Meaning he will only have to pay £7 per week. He has two legitimate jobs, so I have no idea why they have his earnings as being so low. But I can't do anything (the CMS say they can't) and he has virtually laughed over it.

I am SO angry and bitter, it is consuming me. I even opened a social network account just to 'expose' his antics to people he knows....(and he has threatened to go to the police for harassment over this). This is really not me at all...I honestly feel crazed and like I need some help and advice to deal with the injustice of it all.

How do I get over this?

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/09/2014 10:04

You must cut contact from him and detach.
Concentrate on your baby and on yourself. He sounds like a right twat and I think both of you are better without him in your lives.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/09/2014 10:12

I don't think you should expect to 'get over it'. You're fully entitled to be angry, hurt and anything else you feel in the face of this kind of behaviour. I don't see how you could feel otherwise. I know women get this saccharine misogynistic message to forgive and build bridges and be amicable for the sake of the children.... but that's a fast track to antidepressants and stress. When it's a problem is if it's preventing you enjoying life or getting on with things that are important. Otherwise, let your anger subside naturally.

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