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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Waving DC goodbye!

25 replies

eeyore125 · 13/09/2014 22:42

My DC is moving into his student accommodation in the morning.

It is breaking my heart, I don't want him to leave. To hug him and not let him go yet at the same time knowing I need to give him encouragement and let him go.

OP posts:

KatyMac · 13/09/2014 22:46

Oh Eeyore, I know

DD left at 11 this morning - she is having such fun; but I want her back - well not really possibly just a bit

We will cope!

chickydoo · 13/09/2014 22:56

DD left a few days ago.....I'm in pieces.....

Original poster

eeyore125 · 13/09/2014 22:58

How do you even manage to be strong enough to say bye? I feel like I don't have an identity anymore. It has always just been the two of us plus our dog.

OP posts:

KatyMac · 13/09/2014 22:59

We will be fine; it's like when they started school - scary at the time but in a few weeks/months we will wonder what all the fuss was about I keep telling myself this, over & over again

chocolatespiders · 13/09/2014 22:59

How far away is he?

Theas18 · 13/09/2014 22:59

Both my elder 2 are off next weekend dd to do an MA. DS to start his 1st degree. Somehow this feels harder than 3yrs ago. But I know it's the right thing and it'll be fine really.

Much hugs.

Original poster

eeyore125 · 13/09/2014 23:05

Sending hugs back.
He is only about 50 minutes by train but he won't be coming back for the first few weeks. He wants to become part of the community and others have advised him to stay no matter how home sick he becomes during that time.

OP posts:

Shodan · 13/09/2014 23:08

I know how you feel too.

Ds1 is going to uni next Saturday. Today has been horrible- he and I had words because he told me I wasn't allowed to cry when I drop him off. I repeated my promise that I would do my very best to hold it together until I was back in the car. He argued. I lost my temper a bit and told him he had two choices- take his chances with me or get himself there.

Dh has been sulking all bloody day because he and ds1 (stepson) bickered earlier.

To cap it all, my insomnia is kicking in again( the slightest hint of stress sets it off) and my period is due...

Happy days.

I am assured, by those who know, that I'll feel better in a couple of weeks.

Mustangspirit · 13/09/2014 23:15

I feel your pain eeyore. I drove my son down to London on Tuesday and sobbed the whole 2 and a half hours back. I'm lucky that I still have one at home but my nest still suddenly feels very roomy
On a positive note whatssap is fab as is FaceTime.

fakeblondie · 13/09/2014 23:29

feeling your pain here too . dropped dd off a few hours ago. we are so close we both sobbed and she knows I will be and am blubbering here still now ! keep going into her room . we've had an amazing 18 years and my dd is on a journey now to be a doctor one day but that doesn't stop me selfishly wanting to hold her tightly and not let go ! I honestly feel like part of me is missing I feel sick . It's kind of a happy sad too tho isn't it because how lucky are we to have our dc x

3lovelykids · 14/09/2014 03:31

Me too. Dropped ds off helped him sort paperwork and unpack. I just miss him so much ??

Original poster

eeyore125 · 14/09/2014 03:43

I haven't slept a wink. I am proud of him but he is my baby boy.

Thank you for your support everyone.

OP posts:

KatyMac · 14/09/2014 08:58

She slept fine, cooked a great tea, ate cake & watched Disney DVDs

I was less stable but still OK

queenoftheknight · 14/09/2014 09:48

Me too.

My ds went on Friday. I have been wobbly for a few weeks, and totally lost it driving home from moving him in, balled my head off.

The house is too quiet, I miss his commentary on the news, his making me watch funny stuff on Youtube, the fighting with siblings over the telly, and the 130 BPM thud coming from his room.

He has been texting, and still making me laugh.

He knows how loved he is and was a little wobbly himself, but we are both incredibly excited about his "evil plans to take over the world!"

Orangeanddemons · 14/09/2014 09:54

Oh, to help all you sad people. My ds went 2 years ago. We are now closer than we've ever been. We have wonderful conversations, he tells me he loves me all the time, and I'm his best friend.

They may have left a physical space, but I think they become closer emotionally

fakeblondie · 14/09/2014 10:06

Orange that is so lovely !

pinkfrocks · 14/09/2014 10:15

They will be fine. Honestly. And so will you.

Both mine were 3 hrs away.

You need to fill the gap somehow- maybe take up a new hobby, do a few nice things for yourself, keep busy.

Terms are only 10 weeks and they will be back in no time at all.

Shodan · 14/09/2014 11:56

I've been making mental lists of things I won't miss:

I won't have to rehang the towels 20 times a day.

His laundry basket won't sit by the washing machine for days on end.

There won't be sticky cups and glasses in odd corners of the house.

The bathmat won't be a sodden island in the middle of the Bathroom Ocean.

Erm...

I've also roped in a few friends for lunch/market trips/coffee during the first week.

Shodan · 14/09/2014 11:57

And thank you Orange. That is a lovely thing to look forward to.

Busybusybust · 14/09/2014 12:02

I feel for you. Done it 4 times, twice with them moving to the other side of the world.

As least we have skype these days, and mobile phones and the internet.

I think you should keep it all in until you get back in the car - it seems unfair to put your misery onto them and their shiny new life! But it's hard: they look so small and young and scared, sitting there on their single beds! But every one on their halls is in the same boat and they soon make friends.

GirlsTimesThree · 14/09/2014 12:25

I know what orange means. We took DD1 to London three weeks ago and I was dreading it. She took a gap year last year, so although she was working up to 70 hours a week, she was around.
We've always been really close, but over the last year she's been asserting her independence more and kind of pushing me away (completely normal if I remember my own teenagerdom correctly!).

However, even in the past few weeks our closeness is returning. We 'talk' every day on fb and chat about everything. She's even started asking for my advice again!!
She's home briefly next weekend for a family celebration of her bf's, but we'll only see her for a few hours as we're having to take DD2 eight hours away to start her university life. I'm dreading that even more as DD2 has been a constant companion over the past few months and I'm not used to her being away (DD1 has travelled a lot over the last couple of years).

I'm being brave and excited for her, but I know it'll leave a huge hole. It doesn't help that we had to move three years ago and I really don't have any real friends where we live atm.
I will get on with it and I do have DD3 at home for the next couple of years (she's already talking gap years which I'm encouraging ;)). By the time she goes we'll be moving back to our old area, so I'll have my friends back!
It's a strange feeling of loss, but pride at their achievements and excitement as they move into the next part of their lives.
I'd still like to turn the clock back 20 years and do it all again though!

Crazy8 · 14/09/2014 12:51

My DS1 starts soon. I'm consoling myself with the fact that he is so excited about starting at the university he wanted and on the course he wanted. I have had a few tearful moments but I try and stay positive for him.

I have had the most amazing 18 years with him and he is a gorgeous boy. I know I will miss him incredibly and I know he can't stay at home forever. Although I did suggest he cancelled his course the other day. My DH is a lot braver than I am.

Damnautocorrect · 14/09/2014 13:01

Shit, mines 5 and I've read this and I'm blubbing!!!
I've still got time to brainwash him to never leave me haven't i?!?!?

fridayfreedom · 14/09/2014 13:16

Dropped my DD yesterday 5 hrs away. The Uni were fab, very organised and friendly. Flat mates seem nice and room is great.
I did cry but I told her I would as I'm a bit rubbish at not doing so. She had a few tears but I left her a box of favourite treats to unpack and she facebooked later to say she loved them.
Text this am and said she was fine, then rang me. Missed the call so rang back. She needed money transferred to pay rent tomorrow.
She was a bit quiet so I knew she was not her usually bubbly self. Says its very quiet. Has a meet with her mentor tonight so that should help. Also has some art to do for tomorrow so that should keep her busy. Suggested she asked to others to go for a walk or to the student cafe. Also had a laugh about one of the girls who told her she likes things tidy but had already spread black currant juice all over the sink!
I was like this when I went , it's really hard until things get going and like me she struggles to push herself forward until she knows people.
I know she'll be fine but dear god it hurts!! And the trip is not easy for a weekend. Hoping to go down at half term.

RelationsAkin · 14/09/2014 18:46

My DD is in her final year at uni now. First year she was very much tied up with new uni friends and living the life.

These days she phones me at least twice a day and comes home often. She's grown up and appreciates home, and me, much more. Life is great.

Let them go; they'll come back to you in a slightly more grown up form. They'll always be your DC.

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