What superpowers do you have? Lighthearted thread.

[miniscule]

Inspired by a few of the current threads and by a very old one I vaguely remember about being she-ra, what superpowers do you have...

I'll start...

Apparently I can perform telekinesis, my (now) exh said it was my fault his favourite beer glass got broken - I wasn't even in the room - he knocked it off the draining board.
I can also control the weather as if we were ever on a day out and the weather changed it was my fault (even if the change was not forecast at all).
I made the exhaust fall off our car -telekinesis again I suppose.
I am also all-seeing and all knowing as it was always my fault if he couldn't find anything - even stuff he brought into the house and I'd never seen.
I'm also telepathic as I should know exactly what time he is collecting the DC's or what time he expects them to be dropped off to him. He doesn't have to text me this info, I should know.

There are loads more superpowers I have but would like to hear what powers others have!

Semi-serious note, the blame thing that abusers use is mind-bending and draining, I thought this thread may help people see just how unreasonable and insane they really are. Sometimes it only sinks in when you write it down or read other's experiences.

Sorry for any typos. On my phone.

I have spider senses that tingle. (Spider-Man style)

I know there is a spider near me before I've even seen it!

I know where every lost item can be found. Be it a wallet, keys, cash, shoes, socks, tickets. You've lost it? I'll find it. NOT. Why don't me take responsibility for mislaying stuff. However my favourite is being asked where an item belonging to one our children would be. My response "Ooh don't you live here?"

I have this amazing ability to make all major decisions, sort out everything to do with the children's education and the best one of all, I can organise everything and remember everything that 4 people need to do. When it occasionally goes wrong I have the extra special ability to listen to DP rewrite history.

I have the power to bend time, creatng an infinitely long period in which I can listen to everyone's problems while still finishing everything I need/want to get on with.

(Just to clarify I'd normally be very happy to make time to listen to my friends, but I'm on the third day of listening to a fairly new friend talk for an hour plus about how upset he is that a good friend of mine doesn't want to see him anymore, after two dates, and how unfair it all is because he's perfect for her and she just doesn't realise it yet so my patience is starting to wear a bit thin!)

Wow, that makes me sound like a sap and a half! Just to clarify, I only keep him on the phone for that long when I have nothing better to do. (And yes, I recognise the red flags, which is why I turned him down immediately when he asked me out a week earlier...)

I have the power to whip STBXH into a sulky obstinate frenzy with my "rude and insulting turn of phrase" e.g.

What weeks would you like to have the children to go on holiday?

Can you please let me know if you want tickets for the school show?
And
What are you planning on buying the kids for Xmas please?

It's a truly special gift

I am The God of loo roll.

Only I can change it when it finishes. Only I can see the cardboard roll and place it in the bin. Only I can magically replenish stocks.

I sometimes leave it to see what happens and carry some tissues in my pocket instead. All is fine until dh has a crap, then he either rummages for a new loo roll him self, huffing and puffing all way way as god has abandoned him or calls on me, the god of loo roll to magic one up for him.

I am also the all seeing eye of dirt and mess. My poor, poor husband was apparently born without the ability to see mess! I know! Poor him, it must be awful!

I also have the powers to magically replace all dirty clothes with clean ones, seemingly in the blink of an eye.

It's draining being this powerful.

I have the power to turn my car invisible whenever someone is thinking of pulling out in front of me.

I have absolute pitch. It's genetic. If I hear music something in A major sounds totally different from A flat major. It's more a nuisance except for sightsinging as it makes it very hard to transpose music.

(The abusive ex sounds awful. Very different topic).

our fridge stays miraculously clean because it is new.

Its not a super power as such, but i obviously have an infinite supply of cash because anything my eldest DD goes to her fathers with, gets stolen, including her shoes

But its ok, i will buy replacements with my never ending supply of money.

I am a mind reader, apparently I'm the only one who knows what everyone needs or meant

Very specifically, future food desire predictions - every time I do the online shop and ask DP or DS1 what they'd like for dinners that week, I get "I don't know/you choose" because, I, apparently, have the ability to know what everyone in the house will like to eat in over 7 days time! Drives me mad!

I can tell how long it takes to do a task and therefore can accurately manage my day.

I have xray vision, I am constantly being called upon to say where things are, usually things in drawers or cupboards.

I can tell what DD1 is thinking just by looking at her. It freaks her out every time.

Both my DDs genuinely believe i have eyes in the back of my head.... lol.

I can find anything that belongs to DS (unless it's in a place protected from my special powers, of course).
I also have special healing powers.

To the extent i can see what theyre up to in their bedroom, whilst im downstairs... haha.

My superpower is the ability to know when to empty things:
The food compost bin/recycling bin/ bathroom bins
The washing machine
The Dyson
The crumb tray under the toaster (DH didn't know there was such a thing)
The cafetiere with three day old coffee in the bottom.

As regards exH he must have thought I did have superpowers the day he showed up by surprise, but I had already prepared for it. he had forgotten to change his password on his Expedia account

I have the ability to make people cry in 30 seconds just by being nice to them. They come in to my office, I kindly ask "How are things?" And waaaa! Off they go. I am used to it now but it used to freak me out.

dd asked incredulously whether I could read her mind today. nope, jsut her body language and tone of voice.

Make mess.

I, alone, can combat gravity.

I am the only one who knows how to take things coats, bags and dressing gowns mostly from the floor and place them on the hooks provided, fighting that gravitational pull every single inch of the way.

I also have a very particular visual skill....it is mainly me who can see poo in the garden. Everyone else is struck blind as one of the dogs crouches and turns out a pile or failing that they are too blind to see the million poo bags in the utilty room.

Fighting gravity and picking up poo in my lycra cozzie.