Hi all, I'm new to to forum so apologies if this is in the incorrect area.
I'm just after a bit of advice regarding my partners family. My partner and I have been together for over 5 years now and as time has passed I've become more and more frustrated/infuriated by his family. To start, his mum and dad separated about 12 years ago and his dad has been with his now fiance for about the same time as me and my partner have been together. The 'step mum' so to speak tends to be overbearing and has an opinion on everything. I take her with a pinch of salt, but my partners dad lets her boss everything/everyone about, everything is very much always on her terms and she has great difficulty not being in control. I can poke up with so much, but she gets on my nerves at times, but I feel it's not my place to say anything. They live about 2 hours away, so we don't get to see an awful lot of eachother (which is quite a good thing). Hence why its never really caused much of an issue... until last night at a family meal.
Christmas for my family has always been great, we always have a lovely day. My partners christmases have always been fairly mediocre in comparison. Having had 5 christmases together though with my family he has seen how good Christmas can be. Last year my parents invited my partners family (dad, step mum and both of his unties). I thought it would be really good but it was awful. The step mum was really loud and overbearing, one of his aunties just keep shrieking and being loud because she's lonely and had to make the most of the company and the other auntie has learning difficulties and can be incredibly frustrating, but I sympathise that its not her fault. Anyway the aunties kept bickering and as I said the lonely auntie just kept shrieking all day long. My sisters both hated the whole day. None of may partners family even offered to help wash up and didn't contribute anything to the day at all. I don't want another Christmas like it!
On boxing day my partners family always go to watch football and I've now become included is this tradition. I'm not a football fan, but I go because its what they've always done. So last night at the family meal my partner said that I would be coming this year (because they need to arrange tickets etc) then out of nowhere, the step mum says "Oh well, if we come to your parents for christmas again then we can stay at your house the night and then walk down to the coach in the morning." I forgot to mention that my partner and I have our own home and no longer live with my parents. I was a bit taken back and replied "Ummmmm, errrrrrr well I don't really know what their plans are." and she then said "Your mum and dad love entertaining, I'm sure it will be fine" my partner then said "Yeah I'm sure it will be fine." I know shes just after another each christmas of being waited on hand and foot. She is a real leach, she never pays for anything. So shes pretty much invited themselves both along to our Christmas, but what annoys me more is my partners dad said nothing. He is a nice reasonable sort of man whom I really like, but she has this hold over him and just sat there silent.
Last night once we got home, we had an almighty row and I said how infuriated I was with how brazen his family is and that he should have said something. Firstly he shouldn't have encouraged the situation by saying that he was sure it would be ok and he should have said something about her being rude inviting herself along to my parents christmas. I then said that I'd rather have christmas on my own than have what we had last year (even though it would kill me because I love my family christmases) I just don't understand why we can't have christmas day with my family and boxing day with his. I'm usually quite a balanced person and can tolerate so much, but her rudeness has just spiked my anger levels! Any suggestions?