I know I've done the right thing, but...

[MarriedAloneAndShit]

...Still alone.
Not my usual username. I'm in a pretty dark and low place at the moment, basically due to lack of affection and a non existent sex life with DW. No sex for two years now, and absolutely no sign of light at the end of the tunnel.
Nearly did something that I don't think I could have squared in my mind, morally, or with respect to marriage vows - I had booked a "date" with an escort, came close to actually going through with it, but then emailed to cancel. I know I've done the right thing, but right now I'm longing so much to feel the touch of a woman again, to not have my touch, my kisses or hugs pushed away, that not going ahead with this encounter is making me feel even more alone.
Just posting to vent really, see if it's cathartic perhaps.

DuelingFanjo - replied, but got a blank post for some reason... My morality for making the appointment? I feels shit, both in making it, and also in the place I am in right now - almost made a mistake I'm sure I'd not be able to live with. My hypocrisy only goes so far.

I'm glad you cancelled it, it was a DISGUSTING thing to do.
One day, you'll get yourself out of this and want to meet someone else.
I certainly wouldn't want someone who could stoop to even booking it.
Take it as your wake up call, don't be an arsehole again.

I would start counselling just for yourself initially. Just because I imagine this is not something you can talk about with anyone in RL. Thats why people come here and talk about it online. No other outlet.

Its actually pretty taboo to say "my spouse hasn't wanted intimacy in years" and there seems to be a lot of people suffering silently behind closed doors. In many cases, even the spouse doesn't fully appreciate how soul-destroying it is.

So I would book counselling for yourself just to have a safe space to let it all out in private every week, so you're not bottling it up.

The counselling may also help to clarify things for you in your own mind - what your limits ultimately are, in other words. It might give you the courage to face having a conversation with her about joint counselling, once you have esperience of counselling yourself. Seeing you go off to counselling each week might concern her to the extent that after a while, she may realise you probably do need her to go along also.

Nothing may change, unfortunately - but I think it would help you no end just to express it all in a non-judgemental environment, both to yourself and to her.

It is good that you didn't go through with the escort though - cos when one person cheats, all other marital problems in the years leading up to that point get ignored. The cheater is always the sole villain of the piece. If you have any chance of rebuilding your marriage together, you have to stay faithful. Or she has every right never to forgive you or give you a chance to be heard.