Husband left while 3months pregnant

[Nl180786]

4 months ago my husband of just 10months said he was unsure how he felt about me and left. We had been together for 5years before we married and got a 4year old son. We had been trying for the baby and he was so excited when we found out I was pregnant. 5weeks after he left we went on holiday which was previously booked and on the second day I found a txt from another women. Obviously he denied everything and said she was just a friend from wrk. After coming back off hol I have since found out that he has been on a date with this women but apparently nothing else has happened. He has lost all interest in me and not even tried to work on our marriage. Before all this I never doubted anything and trusted him 110%. I never expected anything like this to happen and can't believe he has done this while I am pregnant with his daughter. My hormones are all over the place and still continue to have my up and down days. I just can't see things ever getting any better and don't know how I will cope when the baby is born.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you but something has definitely happened between him and this ow. He's yet another twat I'm afraid.

I'm so sorry that he's done this to you now. I do know of a couple where the man did this when his wife was pregnant with no. 2 and he came back. However only they can say how happy he is. You WILL cope with the baby. You need to try and muster as much support as you can. Better to have people around you who care for you than you worrying about what he's up to.

I am so sorry.
I just wanted to offer you a glimmer of hope though - my exh did exactly the same thing. DS and I are absolutely fine. Took a while to get over the shock but my hurt slowly but surely turned to disgust and I began to realise how little I wanted anyone who could behave as selfishly as that in my life anyway.
Let your gp know so they can take extra care of you and get some legal advice so you can start thinking about how you want your future to look. At the time it was the worst thing I could have imagined but I can't tell you how relieved I am that he revealed his true colours so dramatically that I had to start again by myself.
DS and I honestly are happy and content. You will be fine, just be gentle with yourself for now.

Oh god, I'm sorry. I can't imagine how tough this is for you right now. Do you have a good support network? Family & friends? If so, make the most out of them now.
It will be tough, I'm sure, going it "alone" and the concept is scary but so many women do, so tell yourself you can because you can & you will do a great job of it too.
As said above, you may not see it now (understandably so) but you really don't want or need someone who will so readily leave you and your family in your life. Maybe he will come back but I guess you've got to decide whether you really want him there, if you can trust him and forgive him, which I don't feel I could.
Just try and focus on one day at a time, focus on you, your new baby and creating something special for your family. It's so easy to say, but try and get out of the house, when I went through something similar I found walks a great time to think through everything and would always feel refreshed.
Sorry I can't offer much advise, everyone feels differently in these situations.
Just remember to put yourself and your family first.
Keep posting, if you need.

I am very sorry. You have to let him go now, love. Don't try and compete with OW for him. Concentrate on you and your baby and get all the RL support you can. x

YvyB has given some real wisdom. Yes, you can and will get through this. The most important people here are you and your little ones. The charity Gingerbread are excellent and can offer advice/support for single parents. Stay strong, and look after yourself as best you can because your children need you.

I'm really sorry that he's let you down so badly.

My ex went when dd2 was almost 8 months and dd1 was 2.5. Looking back I can't believe I managed but I did. I focused on my girls and just refused to let him ruin the most magical time. I used to say out loud "I won't go under. I won't go under".

Focus on your dc. Focus on yourself. Take a day at a time. Lean on all the support you can...let your family/friends help you.

Please please know that it isn't you. This is his doing, his issues, his twattishness. What a man. The ow has a real catch eh?

Keep posting here if it helps- you're not alone.

I don't know for definite but suspect that my STBXH did this to me while I was pregnant with dd2. We split when dd2 was 8 weeks old over his drinking but within a couple of weeks he had found someone else. It was so soon after that I suspect it began while we were still together and while I was still pregnant. When I look back, he seemed to disengage from me when I was about 8 months pregnant. He also started going to the gym and losing weight so I suspect he was thinking about an affair with OW even if he wasn't acting on it.

Either way, it was the best thing that ever happened to me although I obviously didn't think that at the time. Him having someone else meant that I wasn't tempted to beg him to come back when things got tough. I just had to get on with rebuilding my life for me and our DCs. There were tough times but I am now 7 months down the line and happier than I have been in years. Me and the DCs have come through the hard bit and our house is now filled with love and laughter rather than stress and arguments.

I know it feels like your life is over at the moment but you will get through this and come out the other side happier and more content. In my opinion, any man who cheats on his wife while she is pregnant is a whole new level of scumbag. You really are better off without him. Just be gentle to yourself and take each day as it comes and you will get there.

Hi OP - I know that this is hard, but I think it would help if you could take control of the situation and make steps by yourself. Don't sit around waiting and see what he will do - that will just make you feel powerless.

Do you have any evidence of him cheating? Would his friends support you on that (considering that abandoning your pregnant wife is a universally cntish thing to do?).

Please consider filing for divorce on the grounds of adultery. On Monday. This means that he will have to pay for all the legal costs - which is completely fair considering the position he has put you in. But you need to do this within six months of the affair.

Also, at the moment he is probably thinking that he can fuck around with his bit on the side for a while and let you get on with the boring shit, and then when he is tired of his new toy, he can just turn up on the doorstep, switch on a few tears, and then get back to being the loving husband and dad.

Take away that option. Do you really want to be the woman that gets dropped down and picked up as he feels like it? Take some control, serve the divorce papers, and enjoy the pregnancy without having to worry about if he is coming back. If you close down that option then you can't stress about it.

Speak to your family. Tell them what he has done. Hell, speak to HIS family and tell them what he has done.

I do know of a couple where the man did this when his wife was pregnant with no. 2 and he came back. However only they can say how happy he is.

WTAF?

Thankyou for all the replies and support. I have been under the gp and seeing a councillor but it's the evenings that are the hardest when my sons in bed and I'm alone to think. Both families know about the situation and they are shocked as much as I am that this has happened. I feel like I'm just in limbo at the moment while pregnant. He has completely ruined the pregnancy for me and I'm just trying to look forward to my daughter been born now x

Could you use the evenings to focus on the pregnancy, and regain control over this period?

Sending you love and hugs. Try to be positive about little things.
Take all the support that you can get.

My husband left me on 15th Aug this year and I found out about the OW on 12th Sept. I've been with him for 23 years, married for 14 and have two children 11 & 4. I'm getting lots of support from Mumsnet so keep posting.

We're all here for you.

Superstar loving the new attitude !