Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What next ?

12 replies

gg1234 · 11/09/2014 20:35

It has been 5 years of our married life with my lo turning 7 months soon . We both love him to our hearts . My relationship with my hubby is twisted . We fight , argue a lot sometimes but we have stricken together no matter what the circumstances have been for us . Less money or more money we adjusted and sometimes even enjoyed .
Recently my hubby has started dominating me a lot and made me feel that if I dint earn I should listen to him . He is the boss of the house ( which of course is true ) , but it has made me sad . Makes me feel was this the right choice I made for myself . I have adjusted to such extent that now I gave up my goals etc just for my lo to be secure with his father . Gosh what should I do . My ego hurts and so does my self respect a lotttttt.

OP posts:
Bisou88 · 11/09/2014 20:42

He is the boss of the house ( which of course is true )

Pardon?

This is, of course, NOT true.

How do you feel being with this person? What do YOU want to do?

Original poster
gg1234 · 11/09/2014 20:51

My hubby extremely bossy sometimes ,
When he speaks he doesn't speaks nicely says ARE You listening or not

I want to work and get out of it .he screwed my relationship with my father saying that he has interfered to much into my marriage . They don't talk . I am fedup .he pinpoints that I have become so fat .. Gosh I don't have this I don't have that . I don't have maturity .

I am just afraid and I know he loves him too a lot . Can do anything for his son . But how do I survive this

OP posts:
Original poster
gg1234 · 11/09/2014 20:53

What I meant was he loves his son a lot . That's the only thing that makes me stay with him .

OP posts:
Bisou88 · 11/09/2014 20:59

By leaving him. He is NO good for you.

Hes sabotaged your relationship with your father, why?

He breaks you down by telling you that youve become fat. True love doesnt care about physical appearances..

He BELITTLES you. If he is so dissapointed with you, then why is he there??

You can survive this by leaving. He can still be a good father to your child, but he is not a good husband. And you have to recognise this.

AnyFucker · 11/09/2014 20:59

He can still "love his son" whilst he emotionally abuses you from a distance.

Good fathers do not set out to destroy the self worth of their children's mothers

Bisou88 · 11/09/2014 21:08

I second that AnyFucker

My eldest daughters father was abusive in every way possible, weve been separated for 5 years and he doesnt give a shit about her.

My youngest daughters father loves me unconditionally. Treats us all with utmost respect, supports us in every way possible.

Theres a whole world of opportunity out there for you gg1234 theres someone out there who will treat you like a princess. You have to believe this first though. Then get the strength to move towards it.

Original poster
gg1234 · 11/09/2014 21:25

Thanks I will plan a move and find out a way I surely can't live like this

OP posts:
Bisou88 · 11/09/2014 21:35

No, you cannot live like that. Im glad your considering plans to change your situation, you are strong enough to do this.

Do you have family or friends to support you?

Fairylea · 11/09/2014 21:57

He sounds absolutely vile.

You have as much right to love, respect and equality if you are not working. If you are a sahm you are contributing equally to the family and therefore are entitled to full access to family money and equal spending money to your dh. If you do not have this it is financial abuse.

Your dh calling you fat is emotional and verbal abuse.

Please go to the women's aid website and look at the signs of abuse section and ring them tomorrow. They will be a friendly ear and help you to make the decisions to enable you to move forward.

He is not the boss of the house. No one is in a family. It is a family unit.

You are the boss of what happens next. You can be happy without him.

AnyFucker · 11/09/2014 22:18

Your DC, and you, are worth more than the example he is setting

Cabrinha · 11/09/2014 23:54

"which of course he is" why the HELL would you say that?
You need to understand why you have that completely bollocks attitude as a first step to stopping accepting this shit.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/09/2014 06:05

Your writing style suggests that you're not originally from the UK? When you say you fight and he tries to dominate you, do you mean it is physical? Verbal? Do you feel intimidated or under threat?

Men have not been 'boss of the house' for a long, long time. Marriage is meant to be an equal and loving partnership. Children suffer if they are brought up by bullies... which is what this man is. I'm glad you're realising you need to get out of the marriage and there are people can help you.

Please make your safety top priority as this man sounds aggressive.

Confide in people who can help you and do talk to your father - who sounds like he's got the measure of this nasty piece of work. Womens Aid are very good. 0808 2000 247

New posts on this thread. Refresh page