Estranged sister in hospital, has had stroke.

[gingerhobo48]

I haven't seen her for about 5 yrs.Reasons for NC were numerous, mainly her drinking and behaviour around DD, now 15 and DS , now 12.She showed blatent favouritism towards my DD and practically ignored DS as she implied he was not as clever as DD and wasn't worth bothering with (tip of the iceberg).She was always drunk, very often aggressive, so many things, it's all very sad .After really trying I just gave up and took the easy way out as I couldn't answer the questions my kids were asking about her behaviour, plus DS was becoming scared of her.
Fast forward to last night, had phonecall from DB.I am in shock I guess, she had a fall, hit her head, went hospital, disharged, 3 days later collapsed in street.She's had a massive bleed.The hospital she was originally in said to let Nature take it's course and that there was nothing they could do.BIL knows some influential people (I won't say in what field as it might identify me and her) and was able to get her moved to where she is now. Luckily she is in a HD Neuro ward and has had an operation but she has another clot which they are monitoring.
I can't stop crying, she can't swallow, there are tubes everywhere, she can just about speak.She is so frail, she's lost so much weight and her head is shaved in parts. She kept telling me she loved me, that she always loved me.I can't tell her I love her, I try, I can't. She has hurt me so much in the past and I want to get past that as she might still die.It's 4 words, just 4 words "I love you too".I could have lost her a month ago and I would have been receiving a totally different phonecall.She is here, now, only just, but slowly improving.
How can I get past this? tell her what she wants to hear? I know it would mean so much if I said I loved her.I don't feel I do which is a horrible thing to say, I care, I really care. . .

It is difficult.I saw her this morning and she appeared quite agitated and wouldn't stop talking, or trying to, I was only catching every 3rd or so word.It made me feel really uneasy , like she was trying to confess.There is time for this (hopefully).The nurse said she was doing well but she seemed hot to me.Last night she had been cold to the touch.It reminded me of my MIL before she died, she picked up and was her old self , quite lucid in fact.Two days later, she died.Not saying this is going to happen to DSis, she said "I feel like I am living here".She is, bless her, she has been in hospital for so long now.Will have to see how she is when I see her next.She wants to see DB, who I talk to and DSis, who I don't so that could be tricky, DB might have to sort that out.

Wishing you strength and peace to deal with this situation. I hope there is time for you (and she) to deal with her demons, even if the eventual resolution isn't one you would choose.

I agree, let your DB deal with the other family members with whom you are not in touch. Dealing with your ill sister is enough for you to handle.

Thank you AcrossthePond55, I will :>).

She had another operation to fit a tube to drain the liquid from her brain.The other one kept getting blocked.I don't want to go up hospital as I'm scared of what I'll see.BIL phoned this morning, early with an update.Hopefully, it is all now working.This was last night, I guess she will be pretty groggy.I didn't think she seemed right Friday, perhaps she wasn't, I don't know.

I only got to see her for about 10 mins and she has been heavily sedated/intubated is it? She has a big tube coming out of her mouth:>(.
I was stuck with my BIL who I have an awkward relationship with at the best of times.He basically told me it's her liver which is causing problems, her blood keeps clotting? and they give her something which works for a bit then her liver starts up again.I can't get much sense out of him.Worse case scenario, she could be brain damaged, I don't know.I don't know what to think, whether to take my kids back in, I don't know.Her head is more shaved and the tubing doesn't look good, I don't know.
I need to try and get more information but I don't know what to google, the hospital staff only really speak to him, they are quite dismissive of me.

So sorry, Ginger. It doesn't sound very good for her, does it? Would your BiL be willing to tell staff that it's OK to tell you what her situation is? Is her liver shutting down? Sounds as if her brain has swelling, that's generally why they put a tube in. Medical stuff is all so confusing & sometimes frightening.

I still do admire you for being able to put the past aside (for now) in order to support your sister. You are really setting a wonderful example of compassion for your children.

As far as the children seeing her, I'd explain to them as best I could what to expect and leave it up to them. I think they are old enough to decide for themselves.

Hi AcrossthePond55, just found out today (from DB) that BIL has bone cancer.I won't say anything until he tells me(if he does) but that would explain some of the strangely bizarre stuff he was saying about DSis yesterday.Now I'm really worried about the future, for them both:>(.
She still has a tube as they can't get her to breathe independently, she's very weak.Her tube draining her brain is still getting blocked, a Dr aspirated it today.She has also been sick which is a new and worrying development.She is being really, really well cared for though, I can't fault the care and attention I have seen her getting.That's something I guess.It helps talking about it here though, voicing my fears, thanks.

Sorry, 'something', keys sticking:>)

Oh dear, worse and worse. I wonder if that news is what sent her off into a stroke.

All you can do is 'be there', you know? I think you'll be glad you were no matter what the outcome. I wouldn't say anything to BiL, either. His news to tell in his own time.

I agree, it's all starting to come together.Apparently he has had the diagnosis for a year and was hospitalised a little while ago as his immune system is weak.DB took DSis to hospital to see him.Thanks for your support, it does help.

No problem. It's really hard when you are torn between what you feel in your heart and what your head tells you to do.

You are doing the right thing. Even if things don't turn out as you want them to.