relationship is suffering cause of EX

[loopdaloop]

My relationship with my DP is really starting to suffer because of my EX.
he controlled me when I was there and he controls me now.
DP has said I spend more time arguing with my EX over the kids than I do with him.

Ex and I have 3 children together, ex wants nothing to do with them now he has a new DP but I know in weeks/month to come his ugly toothless head will rear again. Where do you draw the line?
We've tried mediation, didnt work. he took me to court for contact then withdrew his application.

I just feel like Im stuck between a rock and a hard place.

If he is having nothing to do with the children then why is he causing you so much stress? I think it's time to stop allowing this man to control and ruin your life.
Sit down with your DP and calmly establish what the problems are and how you can address them. No arguing or shouting allowed. Can't you change your phone number so he cannot contact you. If he wants contact with the children in future make him go through a third person.
People usually only ruin our life if we allow them to.
Sit down, keep calm and work through this. You can take control so do so now. Sadly once children are created it's very difficult to be rid of the parent partner to those children. Don't let him control you a moment longer, you are in the driving seat.

Given the fact that you need to tell us he is ugly and toothless when you clearly found him attractive enough to conceive three children with, I think your SP may have a point.

You sound like you are struggling to let him go in your head and you still have loads of anger and resentment that consumes you.

Let it go. If he doesn't see his children then that's his issue, and he will pay the price for it later. Just get on with your own life and stop fretting about what he is, or isn't doing.

DP not SP

the script won't change if you don't change it.

detach, refuse to rise to his bait, practise saying 'woteva' and smile and nod.

YOU draw the line. He's playing the game to wind you up. stop playing.

I just dont want to cut him off from the kids, even though hes quite clearly stated he doesnt want anything to do with them.

I think blocking all form of contact is now the only way.

You're right...Im on it.

That is his job to keep a relationship with his kids going, not yours.

don't meet problems half way. my x was abusive so i NEVER contact him. occasionally he contacts me but I never bring that about.

i do find it quite hard to have a 'normal' relationship though. I have been unwell the last frew days and i found it strange that my bf wanted to be around me anyway. That he would "allow" me to have an off day, that I could be boring and quiet for a day and he would just say 'can i get you anything?'. i felt pressure and confusion mounting and I didn't know where it was coming from.

Your ex isn't causing problems in your relationship , the way you are handling it is. I don't know if there's a backstory but if he's not seeing the children there doesn't really need to be any contact.

You do seem to still be heavily invested in hating your ex at the moment. Understandable, and I went through/still going through, to some degree, something similar. It takes a lot of energy though

As a wise MNer said, "When you have reached the land of 'meh', you are free".

There's defo no love lost. My divorce is imminent. I moved house and blocked all contact apart from an email about the kids.
All was bliss from April onwards ten he got in touch about the kids again, clearly wasn't about the kids and was just to let slip he was now with someone. I'm genuinely not interested.
Like was said, it's up to him to maintain contact with the kids not me. I've done my best where that's concerned.
Eldest is 12 so he can go through him from now on.

*Ex and I have 3 children together, ex wants nothing to do with them now he has a new DP

All was bliss from April onwards ten he got in touch about the kids again, clearly wasn't about the kids and was just to let slip he was now with someone.

Those two statements completely contradict one another.

He took me to court for contact then withdrew his application.

I just dont want to cut him off from the kids

And so do these.

hes quite clearly stated he doesnt want anything to do with them.

Even though he took you to court for access?

To be honest the pair of you sound like a total nightmare, using your children as hand grenades to lob at one another, so busy hating one another that you've start to almost enjoy the drama.

No wonder your DP is pissed off.

One dc lived with him up until last week and he kicked him out to come and live with me. Thats why he got in touch. I then got a call from my dc who is 12 threatening to hang himself. I think youre rude judging when you dont know the full history.
I have never withheld contact, Ive suggested every form of contact going but he refused and yet still took me to court, clearly for revenge and for that last bit of control.
Im happy in the knowledge Ive done everything I can so he can try and maintain contact with the kids. Its just his constant games that are playing a factor. Ive always tried to be civil.

Eh?

What am I missing here? Who would he need to take you to court for a access when you'd 'suggested every sort of access going'?

Sorry but none of this is making sense to me. Sorry if you think I'm being harshly judged but I can only comment based on what details you've given.

harshly judgey

he had one child, I had two, he wasnt happy with the contact put forward, he wanted full residence.

There's obviously more to this story and it sounds very stressful. I think you need to keep contact to a minimal , and maybe get some support from a friend or relative instead of your partner.