Woman's intuition.. Opinions please

[Mumtobenovember]

Woman's intuition; do you believe in it? Have you got any personal experiences of your intuitions or instincts being spot on? Or was it proven to be an insecurity and a paranoia?

Opinions please?

I think it's more a case of "intuition" than something specific to women. Or it might just be that it happens to women more as women - as a general rule - tend to pay closer attention to emotions.

It has happened to me, but people rarely believe me when I tell them (which doesn't really bother me).

When I was (MUCH) younger I had a boyfriend and we were part of the same social group. One of the girls in it was bi-sexual, but with a strong preference for women. There was never anything remotely sexual between her and my boyfriend - at all. One night I didn't go out with the group as I couldn't sort out transport, and had a dream that my boyfriend and this girl were snogging. I found the whole thing so incredulous that I told them both about it the next day when I saw them. Turned out it had genuinely happened the night before, but both of them insisted someone must have told me about it.

Much later on a different boyfriend went on holiday with mates and I just had a completely irrational sensation that something happened when he was away. He told me I was being ridiculous, and nothing had changed in his behaviour, no facebook friends emerged, nothing. Found out a few weeks later that he had copped off with some randomer whilst out there.

I used to date some right prizes didn't I!!

I think it's more gut instinct.
I had it when my ExH started having an affair.
I just knew something was off.
He denied it of course but when I found the proof 9 months later I was absolutely spot on with everything.

What's up then?

I'd also say it's about having the confidence and experience to trust your judgement rather than some kind of innate gender-specific ability. I've had bad & good feelings about people that turned out to be quite wrong. I've ignored bad feelings and been let down. These days - and maybe it's a function of getting older - I err on the side of cynicism so I'm rarely disappointed or shocked. I trust my judgement but, at the same time, I give myself some thinking time rather than leaping into action.... get into a lot less trouble that way.

I think women are allowed to, or encouraged to, be more "in touch with our feelings" and therefore we are used to picking up on things without having to provide a scientific explanation. One point would be that women are encouraged to heed their instincts whilst walking alone at night whereas no one is bothered about a man having to walk alone at night. I read somewhere that a man is more likely to be assaulted but a woman is more afraid of being assaulted so a man feels less vulnerable.

I find it so fascinating- I think personally I get insecurities mixed up with my "intuition" and create scenarios in my head. But then I have seen so may posts on here of women who had "a gut feeling" then posted again to say they where right I think it's amazing how common it actually is to just know when something is off- not just in sexual relationships either I think we use this sense a lot in life!

I think 'intuition' may be you realising something is 'off' even when you haven't (yet) got the evidence. The brain is used to spotting patterns, and even if you can't think what's wrong, on some level you've noticed a pattern is awry.

It happens in the art world - I remember seeing a documentary about an art fraud when at expert looked at something and just knew it was fake, but couldn't say why but no objective criteria were wrong. It was only some time later with some new test or other that the forgery was nailed. The first expert still couldn't say how he 'knew', but he just did.

This is probably for the FWR board but I think the concept of 'women's intuition' is, as a PP said, something that stereotypes women as non-scientific and emotional.

I also think that (many) women are conditioned to doubt themselves and their ability to objectively assess situations so they call it 'intuition' as they fear they may be wrong or they fear the consequences if they are right. 'Intuition' enables them to distance themselves from the notion - 'oh it's probably just a feeling, just me being a bit silly'. When the evidence is there all along.

I also think your mind picks up on clues subconsciously and draws a conclusion without you noticing the process.

I've 'known' when exH was lieing about being at work.
I've also not realised when an ex was seeing someone (his 'best' friends wife we were friends with) ALL THROUGH a relationship.

I think the change of behaviour (that maybe my subconcious notices best because it's dreams for me) triggers alarms.

I think ignoring intuition is unwise, but that you shouldn't obey it without thinking first. It can be wrong, sometimes.

I'm learning my intuition is usually right. I once took an extreme dislike to the vicar that christened DD1 and was told off by my family. A year later he was imprisoned for fraud. I took against a headmaster later sacked for bullying staff. I disliked a doctor neighbour who was outed as a promiscuous gay cottager. All these apparent pillars of the community passing themselves off as respectable when anyone with emotional intelligence can read them as frauds make me recoil with alarm! I now that some of us are better able to detect insincerity and that is a valuable skill.
Now when someone makes my radar beep I avoid their company.

I am a bit about you considering a promiscuous gay man with private sexual preferences to be some kind of fraud.

Unless he was married?

Ex bf of six years, one day out of the blue I had this strange urge to look at his credit card bill, had never snooped in his stuff before, was very odd indeed! Strange urge to just look! Low and behold found a cc statement with a charge for a hotel couple hundred miles from us, i had been away home visiting for Christmas, he had told me he had gone skiing! When I confronted him he had been with his ex gf, just to get back at me for visiting my family for Christmas (hadn't been for years!)

That's what I mean!! Sometimes you just get an urge! My ex wasn't acting suspicious or anything and I was browsing online and saw an add for plenty of fish dating site and I don't know why but I just clicked on it and searched for him- and there he was saying how single he was and how love is hard to find in a world obsessed with sex (twat) I set up a fake profile with a really hot chick (too hot for him) and messaged him and arranged to meet that weekend Wish I hadn't lost my shit one evening and told him it was me and that I knew what a vile little rat he was.. Would have been so much better to turn up and be like hello dear we meet again WANKER

Agree with scaevola about our brains looking for patterns. It is a very primitive instinct about protection - hearing a distant twig crack, the feeling that someone is looking at you, the sense that someone is a little too close, the instant recognition that someone as been in your cave room and moved something by a minute amount..... And all of these visual, smell, hearing (etc) sense are in the very primitive part of our brain - located quite far from the higher thinking part.

So the rational, logical, emotionally happy brain is telling us everything is OK, and the primitive brain is shouting "Watch out!"

However, because we also have a higher functioning brain that is clever and reasoning and deductive (and also protective), we sometimes see patterns where there are none: we can see every man as a cheater (and interpret innocent behaviour as such), we can imagine that every burst of anger is a prelude to a violent assault...

And ultimately the real life skill is being able to learn the difference, and learn when it matters.

If I was walking along a street alone and the hairs on my neck stood up - I'd trust my instinct. Something (whether dangerous or not) had made me alert and I'd take the cautious route. If I had a 'funny unexplained feeling' about my dh, then I seek out other sources of information gathering and validation.... I might be right that 'something' is happening, but I could be wrong about what it is.

Love all these examples women rock!