Hi
My h and I have problems in our relationship which we have had for a long time, but are still living together. Probably in no small part because we have 3 dc who are currently 8, 10 and 12.
I suppose the things I find the hardest are h's sometimes rudeness towards me, his lack of affection and the fact that we are unable to discuss things which matter to me (like making plans for the future which would make me feel more secure etc...).
I posted a while ago about the fact that he had shown a woman he does a lot of work for (he does renovations) how to make a particular soup. The link to this thread is here.
There is another woman he has done a lot of work for over the years and in the past I have been jealous of their banter filled relationship (plus she is very gushy and kind of over the top).
What happened today was that he needed the car and we were discussing this, when it transpires that he was going to work at the second woman's house today (let's call her a). I then asked why he needed the car as she lives just up the road. He was about to make some crack about how he needed the car so that he could take her out so I jumped the gun and said I hoped she was warming the bed up. Sounds like a stupid thing to say I know but I find it impossible to express my real feelings (of insecurity and of needing affection) with him so it sometimes comes out in this way. He then said that she had been to the chemist to get him some deep heat patches for his knee which is hurting.
And rightly or wrongly this is what I am really upset about. He must have been working there on and off over the past few days (he never tells me the ins and outs of what he has been doing that's normal I know), they must have discussed his knee and she must have trundled off to the chemist to get these things for him. I don't know why but I feel oddly blindsided by this. I asked him yesterday to give me the prescription for his painkillers and said I would take it to the chemist but in the meantime she has been running errands for him.
I suppose I have been trying very hard to do all the right things. Remain positive, sort my own life (which involves trying to find work) out, look after the kids, go food shopping, make food for us all to eat, sort the kitchen out as we have had mice, try to get past the times when h is rude. All the while though I kind of bury my need for love and care.
So this morning I have been in tears about this deep heat patch incident 
. Am I strange? Does this sound pathetic??
I suppose it feels as if h cares more about these two women - one who he goes and makes soup with, the other who lovingly gets him deep heat patches from the chemist, than he does about me whom he never touches and rarely expresses any affection towards.