I feel like a slave and like dh doesn't respect me.

[Imsuchamess]

I went to bed last night with the kids at 8:00 I am psychotically depressed right now and finding it hard to clean. When I went to bed last night that kitchen was spotless. I go to bed early because of sedating anti psychotics. I woke up to find dh had done that to the kitchen between last night and this morning.

I have told him I am not doing it anymore and that I have cleaned the whole house but I am not cleaning his mess.

Now he is threatening to split finances (I don't work) and saying he will only do his laundry and clean any mess he makes.

All I want is some consideration and respect. For him to clean up after himself.

You can only control what you do not what another does, so given this what are you going to do?

You have a choice, stay together or split up.

He has shown you what he thinks of your marrage by his actions.

He has no respect for you.

What message is this giving to your dc?

Oh my thats disgusting. No wonder your upset.

Definitely do not clear this mess up or any of his mess for that matter.

Do you think he might be contributing to your depression?

I have depression and when I'm struggling my dh picks up the slack for as long as need. However we both share what ever needs doing at home.

Your h should be helping and making life easier not harder.

Is there a back story here? Surely it's ok to help clean each other's mess?

Is your marriage on the rocks?

Unhelpful post, Quitelikely.
Of course it's ok to clean each other's mess, all things being equal and if done reciprocally.
But OP Is suffering from serious depression and on anti-psychotics. She left the kitchen spotless and woke up to a mess. Disrespectful at the best of times but inconsiderate and thoughtless right now.
OP I feel for you, please look after yourself x

Well it looks like he is a total pig. He was too lazy to even put that empty plastic bottle in the bin? What a lazy fuck.

If this was a one off I would find it a little hard to understand your level of upset about this though - is this a constant thread that runs through your marriage?

Blue lace I am trying to understand this from the bigger picture and was asking a question to enable that.

I have experience of MH problems thank you and also experience of chore division thank you.

I think I'msuch has posted before. Regardless, still a mess considering kitchen was left perfectly tidy.

Sweep it all into a plastic bag and dump it in his drawers/ wardrobe/ side of the bed. I had an ex p who used to leave roll ups around like that. I used to clean and throw the pack away (after much asking to tidy up) it away because he was so ignorant. He soon started tidying up.

Thank you no this is not a one off it is a regular occurrence sadly.

You have posted before, OP. I know that you have quite serious illness: I think you might be better trying to address the issues this causes in your relationship, rather than the mess in the kitchen, which is the tip of the iceberg.

I don't think you will get much good advice here, as you do have quite a serious illness, and people won't understand all of the issues straight away: they will see a dp who leaves a mess everywhere when you have depression.

I think you should try talking to your dp.

And having to confront that all the time regular occurence sadly you can see this situation is not helping to alleviate your depression....
and probably instrumental in it.

What a pp poster said, just sweep his junk into his side of the bed/study/shed/car, whatever.

Go on strike doing the running around after him. Start to put your energy into yourself and DC. Start to get clarity on where you want to go from here.

Have you thought your depression may, in part, be caused by him?

She did try talking to her H Katkins1 (and probably has done many times) and he basically told her to fuck off. I'm not thinking talking to him is going to help much.

Yes yes to 'D'P contributing to depression. When I had DD I had puerpal (sp) psychosis. I am sure this was made much much worse by now XH. I have had depression on and off all my life, but been much better since my divorce. Coincidence? No.
People always suggest talking to DP's. This may well be well-intentioned, but many times, including mine, I had talked until I was blue in the face. He just wasn't listening. After 20 yrs I got the hint that he only cared about himself. Please don't waste that much time OP.

With regard to serious depression, in my own case, which may well not be the same as yours, I was unable to stand back from the situation properly at that time. However, despite being very ill, I knew that he was causing many problems, and making my problems worse. I think I just felt unable to care for a small baby alone with serious illness, and no family within 100 miles.

Tell him you would expect a selfish teenager to leave a mess like that behind not an adult. You are not his mother.