divorce of ds

[granny24]

Recently DS discovered accidentally that his wife was having a long term affair. Three young children of the marriage and both full time professionals. She wants 85 per cent of assets. This will not allow him enough to buy a house in the same area and share child care. Is this likely to be what happens?

Each case is discussed and decided individually, depending on length of marriage, amount of assets, care of the children etc.

He needs to get to a solicitor to discuss what his options are.

Ime, yes. That's pretty much happened. Only 2 young children involved though.

She got to keep everything, house, car, all possessions (she'd already emptied the joint savings accounts). He was awarded 20% of the house value, which he got. She was also supposed to return his personal possessions still in the house, which she never did.

My advice would be solicitor, sharpish. Ring banks, mortgage etc, explain and ask them to freeze accounts until everything's agreed legally. Do not move out before legal advice- if he has somewhere to live he will be seen as independent and to not need money to re-home himself.

Solicitor. As soon as he can.

Your poor DS. He must feel terrible.

I agree with Micah above. Solicitors now. Don't move out until everything's agreed.

Doesn't sound realistic to me. If they're both high earners there's no good reason why a straight 50/50 shouldn't apply. Another one suggesting he gets urgent legal advice and make sure the finances are secure. There's no good way to end a relationship but this sounds like it's going to get messy

Thanks. Even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. If she would only accept 65 per cent everything would just work. Really cross because ex and I cashed in a policy and gave them 50,000 pounds. Huge amount of our assets.

Do you have any paperwork re what you gave them?

Agree with PPs, he needs legal advice right now and needs a lawyer who will fight his corner so to speak. My DH's first wife went off with one of the boyfriends and then got 90% plus her costs paid. This was over 20 yrs ago and I understand that things are usually more fair now, but don't let your DS roll over and hope for the best.

Sadly that's the way it goes. Equally sadly, there's no penalty for bad behaviour or reward for good behaviour. It's all straight down the middle, equal responsibility and go your separate ways. Hope he's OK

My DB could be your son. About a year ago he found out she was having an affair. He is an amazing Dad, while she is a somewhat inadequate mother - having said that she had only recently gone back to work after a long break as a SAHM, and so there was a massive difference in their earnings. He was on about 100k and she was on about 20k (part time admin role, well below her potential - she was a barrister).

He had excellent legal advice, and so the outcome which I think is grossly unfair, actually reflects the law, and was not the result of poor advice.

His bottom line was that they should both share custody 50/50. They both needed houses to do so - he was not going to live in a shoe box and leave her in the matrimonial house as was suggested.

He ended up giving her roughly 85% of the assets, which included buying her out of his pension. It was complicated - but he had received a lot of money from my dad, which was to an extent protected, but ultimately became part of the spoils. He now has a massive mortgage, and she is intending to get a tiny one - but they both should have houses. He pays a lot of money for the children but no spousal maintenance.

Given the differences with your DS's situation, maybe a more equitable outcome can be achieved? If he is a hands on dad, I would suggest he goes for joint custody, and insist that they have similar sized houses, albeit smaller than the matrimonial home.

Good luck - I know it is a hideous situation to be in.