,I think my husband just told me of past abuse

[Edtfdess]

And now everything makes sense.

Sorry for the crappy name change, I've had a bit to drink.

I don't know how the subject got on to it, bit my husband of three years just told me he'd been abused three times as a child.

He only told me of one instance, when he was 6, in a tent by his sisters friend (she is 5 years older).

He wouldn't tell me anymore. I am torn between respecting his privacy and needing to know.

We have had sexual problems. He doesn't like me to initiate, and obviously now I know why. I feel like crap. I've been pushing him about our sporadic sex life.

He says he doesn't want to talk about it. I am in tears.

Please try to get some sleep. There is a lot to take in for you both and I feel his disclosure has reminded you of your past which is an added pressure to you, remember, he knows nothing about what you have been through.

It may not feel like it but you are in a good and safe place right now and you can both take time to support and care for one another, it just takes time x

I am so sorry you are going through this.

It has made me remember the saying 'Hurt people hurt people' I hope you can try not to be too hard on yourself.

Is it worth going to see your GP tomorrow to talk about all of this? Not because they can solve anything immediately but if they are any good they will be able to give you some safe support, I imagine you are in shock as well as having lots of painful memories stirred up.

Your last but one post makes me wonder if you feel so bad because you know how he feels iykwim?
Talk to him, let him know he's not alone in this (but don't force it).
It sounds like it would be a really good idea for you both to have some counselling, both together and separately.

I think there are lots of things. I have an 11 year old ds (not dhs bio child) I would kill anyone who touched a hair on his head. I love dh, but we have had issues. But now all those issues make so much sense.

I'm upset because I cannot imagine anyone doing those things to a child. I have a son, if anyone did that I'd kill them. I love my husband, the thought of him going though something like that as a child makes me feel sick. I want to know everything, I want to kill who ever did it.

He's the best step dad or my ds and a wonderful father to baby dd.

I wish he'd tell me everything. I can't believe I've been with him for four years and I never knew.

Sorry, I am rambling now. I am so tired.

I just don't know what to do for the best. When I asked him to tell me more, me got defensive. It was like a bolt from the sky, I suddenly saw where all his anger and issues around sex came from.

You can't solve it all tonight you know! And none of this is your doing. He's told you the big bit, the most important bit. He probably wants to tell you more, but not all at once.
It's a big shock for you!

I've got to sign off now but I hope you get some sleep and can both move forward from here.

Night x