Relationship is over but is this stalking?

[blueeyedbabe7]

hi some of you may know from my thread recently i ended the relationship it hasnt been a great week or so but i wanted to know what others think stalking is, i have never experianced it but he is showing very odd behaviour some of you know i mentioned constant txts in my earlier thread, the txts have calmed down abit but this may be because the other day i told him straight id never go back to him he just wasnt getting the msg before.. The odd behaviour includes giving me flowers and then other mornings id wake up to find flowers through my letterbox , obviously the texts are stilll happening abit and he bought our dc some presents for no reason, games, soft toys etc in which he never used to bother much.. No one on his side knows the relationship is over he hasnt told anyone so i assume most people think we are still together, the few friends i have know i ended it but i have kept the extent of his behaviour quiet i dont want to worry anyone. He knows where i am everyday at 8.45am and 3.15 obv our dc school sometimes in the morning he is waiting outside a shop on the main road i have to walk past everyday there is no other way to the school unless i took a major detour and added 20mins onto our walk.. will this fade out or should i be worried it is becoming stalker behaviour.? Advice appreciated

How long has he been doing this?

Just the last week this all happened

It's not necessarily stalking - from what you've written it could be someone who wants you back. If you tell him to not contact you any more, and he does so, then it's crossing the line.

I don't think it's clear cut what "stalking" is. But it's fairly clear that his actions are causing you to feel you have to change your behaviour, which is a worrying sign.

Please don't keep it quiet. You are letting him affect you by doing so. Tell people you have broken up; tell him if he doesn't stop following you, you'll take legal advice and/or go to the police (then follow up on it).

I tend to agree with Fabulassie - tell him directly that you do not wish him to contact you in any way or to hang around where he knows you will be. It could be construed as harrassment, as it stands, and as such, you are within your rights to warn him that you will take legal advice and/or contact the police.

Unfortunately, you can't stop him buying toys for DC though, as long as these are given during pre-agreed contact times.

Why did the relationship end?

POOR FORM PERHAPS, BUT RELEVANT - this is not a 'man who wants you back' this is a man that is refusing to take your word for an answer. A man that won't let you go.

NEWSFLASH: It's not his call....

From other thread:

he talks to me vile and has been violent,

we stupidly recently went on a family holiday with our dc it went well but as soon as we were back he talked me down again,

people around me do not understand why i put up with his childish moods and the way he is.

He recently rang a councillor but told me he couldn't tell them that he hit me or they would get ss involved so im not sure him seeing one now is not enough as they dont know the full story.

He is a violent abuser, who will stop at nothing to hurt and destroy you, no matter the cost.

The stalking is him panicking at losing the victim he has made out of you. he has invested all this time in wearing you away to nothing and you have shocked the hell out of him by finally saying ENOUGH!

He will harm you mentally, you do need to get out, stay out and get him out of your lives. Minimise contact with the DC, because a man like him could hurt them to hurt you. 2 women a week are killed by their partners/former partners.

You need to contact Woman's Aid, you need to do the Freedom Programme, you need to get help getting a non-molestation order to keep him away from you and your family.

It's stalking from your description;

Hertfordshire police have tried to define it and have given these examples (amongst others)

Behaviours include:

Frequent unwanted contact such as appearing at the victims home, workplace, telephone calls, text messages, letters, notes, e-mails, faxes, or other contact on social networking sites like Facebook

Driving past the victims home or workplace

Following, watching or loitering near the victim

Sending letters or unwanted gifts ('gifts' may appear nice but could have a sinister meaning)

To me what he is doing ticks all the boxes. Tell him to keep away or you will report him, if he doesn't keep away and stop doing this, then go to the police. A work colleague of mine, ended up being kept in her house by her stalker who she just thought was being a bit "odd" until he moved to the next stage and effectively kidnapped her.

ok thank you for the advice, hissy im definately sticking to my decision and i wont ever get back into a relationship with him.

bloody good for you love! well done!

I know you'll feel shit about that decision, but it's one of those that has to be made, and never un-made.

woman's aid can help hear you and advise you on safety issues etc

I would say it was stalking if he won't stop loitering & leaving unwanted items at your home.