Relationship destroyed my confidence

[buttonortwo]

I have ended the relationship many times but seems to get manipulated and persuaded back into it. I'm not in love but do care about him. We met at a vulnerable time in our Iives, both only just been divorced, 3.5 yrs ago. He won't leave me alone, sends texts that are just crazy, threatens suicide, tells me how ill he is.. I'm tired and exhausted. We don't live together. I'm a single mum of one and of course I have my weak moments. It's destroying my confidence I feel reduced to tears. But I seem to go the other way and overcompensate, work harder do more which makes me more exhausted. I need some kind of quick fix, I know he can't turn up this week as he's away with work. I have an interview end of week and my mind is all over. Feeling v anxious. How do I remain focused ?

I think you need to call Women's Aid, the dynamics of this are fundamentally abusive. The relationship is destroying your confidence, he's harassing you, and manipulating you to stay in the relationship with threats of self harm. And he sounds mentally ill.

You need support to figure out an exit strategy for your own wellbeing and that of your child.

If he ever went through with any kind of self harm that is entirely his own resonsibility, nothing to do with you.

Get help and go public. Tell friends and family what's happening and ask them to help you remain strong and completely out of contact. Then send him a very clear, unambiguous letter or mail that says he must stay out of contact, leave you alone and that, if he breaches this request, you'll be forced to take action.

If he contacts you again, ignore. If he persists, contact the police and report him for harrassment. If he threatens suicide, call 999 and get the emergency services to deal with him.... that's what a caring person would do.... rather than seeing his mental health as your responsibility. I'm guessing he's not ill at all but let the professionals decide.

Best of luck

You need to tell him it's over and to stop contacting you. Change your numbers if necessary. This is not love. Unfortunately he needs some sort of help with his character before he can go on to love somebody in a healthy relationship. Is that likely to happen? I know what I think.

You can't save him from himself, you aren't responsible for him, you are responsible for you and your child's well being and welfare. Focus upon loving yourself and forget him. Look forward.

'Women Who Love Too Much' a book I am reading. Explains why I went for my STBXH. I don't want to make that same mistake again. I couldn't change him, but I got my 'fix' trying to.

I have heard this piece of advice floating around somewhere: When you decide to become involved with a man (boyfriend, marriage) be prepared to take them as they are rather than their potential . It would have saved me years of hell.