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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Can you stop someone...

21 replies

Notgoodatall · 09/09/2014 10:17

My friend and I of 10 years have fallen out big time. There is no going back. She has a blog that she writes on that is public for everyone in the world to read. She keeps writing things about me on there, is there some legal way that I can stop her from doing this?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/09/2014 10:22

It rather depends on what she is writing, who is reading it and what material difference it is making to your life & reputation. If she was publicly accusing you of theft, for example, and the people reading it were your employers who then decided to sack you then that would be very serious and you'd have a case for libel. If it's just FB-style nasty comments going to no-one in particular and not affecting anything except your feelings, you're probably best to ignore it and wait for her to move onto the next target. Otherwise you feed the fire.

NewEraNewMindset · 09/09/2014 10:27

Also it depends on whether it's true or not. I was really surprised to listen to a media journalist giving an interview after the Max Clifford trial reached his conclusion and he said it was legal to write a story that was hugely exaggerated with fabricated elements as long as it was built on truth.

So if your frenemy is writing about actual conversations you have had but adding extras or exaggerating elements, it seems that that is ok.

Original poster

Notgoodatall · 09/09/2014 10:30

Looks like there is nothing I can do. I told her that I was hurt to read her blog and her response was I suggest you dont read it then

OP posts:

Quitelikely · 09/09/2014 10:35

Some friend! I would start up a similar blog with details about her then keep posting a link on her blog if possible!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/09/2014 10:36

Telling a bully that what they wrote has hurt your feelings is giving them an incentive to do it again. Does she have hundreds of followers or is she one of those pathetic self-absorbed types deluded that anyone else would want to read their narcissistic drivel?

Ignore, ignore, ignore....

Quitelikely · 09/09/2014 10:36

Or having said that if you cut contact surely she will then have nothing about you to put on her blog?

F0ssil · 09/09/2014 10:37

Wow. What kind of blogger talks about their friends in a way that isn't complimentary to them. Is anybody even reading her blog? Not saying that that makes it less hurtful, but you might draw attention to it.

Original poster

Notgoodatall · 09/09/2014 10:44

she has over 500 followers... she did proceed to write another blog about me after I asked her not too.
It is an IVF Blog. Basically I had a miscarriage on the Friday... she had a failed test on the Sunday after 1st round of IVF. My husband was diagnosed with cancer on the Tuesday, she knew he was having the op but I didnt hear from her until 5 days later. I thought maybe she was upset but I checked her twitter and was suprised to find she was tweeting strangers on her IVF feed how they were but couldnt take 2 secs to send me a message asking how things with my husband went. When I explained this to her she completely blew up at me saying i should cut her some slack.
I have cut her ALOT of slack over the past years while she has been TTC. Things have got quite ugly between us, she seems incapable of having a civilised conversation and is always on the attack. I didnt even reply to her last message saying not to read her blog... she then went onto twitter saying I was stalking her.
I am the type of person that even though we might have fallen out it doesnt mean that I dont care about you, and I was just checking to see if she was ok. Obviously I was horrid to find her slagging me off... what makes matters worse is that I created that account for her and gained her followers so she wouldnt feel alone in her IVF struggle.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/09/2014 10:50

Do any of the 500 followers know you personally? What kind of things is she writing? Is she mentioning you by name?

heyday · 09/09/2014 10:51

What a bloody nasty friend. Does she actually name you or is she writing about events whereby you know that it refers to you although you are not actually named? I truly wonder who is reading her blog as most of us lead rather ordinary lives which would be of little or no interest to anyone else.
You are going to feel hurt and betrayed for quite a while. Be the bigger person here, don't resort to stooping to her low level. You have explained that you don't want her to do it and it hurts but she has ignored your feelings. Stop reading the blog, it will blow over in time. Eradicate this wretched human being from your life and find yourself some genuine friends.
Do you know why she is doing this? Is it for a bit of glorification or some sort of sick revenge for something?
It's tough when someone betrays you, especially such a long-term friend.

Original poster

Notgoodatall · 09/09/2014 10:54

I know a handful of people who read it and she never mentions me by name but I know it is me.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/09/2014 10:57

If she doesn't name you then that's something positive. Legally there's nothing you can do & practically anything you do or say is just going to make matters worse, but I can imagine it hurts very much. What a nasty piece of work she turned out to be.

heyday · 09/09/2014 10:59

Ok, as you are not named then hopefully the vast majority of her readers will never know that it refers to you. It sounds like things have turned quite unpleasant between you both.
All you can do is cut all ties and move on with your life. It's a sad episode but the bitterness will ease over time and this friendship will be relegated to the history books

Original poster

Notgoodatall · 09/09/2014 11:00

Yes well by her accounts i am apparently the nasty piece of work.... she is totally self absorbed right now. I understand that going through IVF, but sometimes... just sometimes you can be there for someone else.

OP posts:

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 09/09/2014 11:05

did you contact her after her failed ivf? was it perhaps a time when neither of you had made the first move to support one another, maybe it was hard on you both at the same time?

just wondering.

Original poster

Notgoodatall · 09/09/2014 11:09

No of course I was talking to her the whole weekend about taking the test, she took it.. it was negative I sent her a message telling her I was always there for her. Then I had the results from my husband and I heard nothing... but I see her on twitter asking strangers how they are.

OP posts:

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/09/2014 11:59

If she doesn't name you then legally there is nothing you can do. Doesn't stop it hurting like hell though. Some people really are missing an empathy gene but it takes something like this for it to come out.

I am so sorry about your miscarriage and hope your DP is doing ok.

however · 09/09/2014 12:28

Forget about her and concentrate on your husband. I'm sorry about his diagnosis.

HellonHeels · 09/09/2014 12:29

Sorry about the horrible time you are having I think you should stop looking at this blog.

Let your former friend go, she's not a friend, she is a drain on your vitality and happiness. Forget her blog it sounds vindictive, sad and negative. It doesn't mention you by name so do try to drop any sense of connection you feel to it. Really I think that very few blogs have more than an occasional regular reader. Personally I find them mostly poorly written, self absorbed, trivial and dull.

Do you have some other friends who have a more positive and loving presence for you? Choose them to talk to and spend time with - you deserve the best!

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 09/09/2014 12:51

in that case, she has let you down.
Try not to keep looking at the blog, she has misdirected her stuff imo.
Take care.

myfriendflickadee · 09/09/2014 14:56

Who hosts the blog?

You might be able to get it taken down by complaining to them on grounds of libel. I believe they are equally liable as the "publisher" so should take action to remove any libellous comments.

You don't have to be named directly in cases of libel - you just have to be identifiable to readers. Accusing you of being a stalker when you (in a legal sense) aren't should be enough to ask them to remove the post. It's defamatory, untrue, and you are identifiable to other people who follow the blog.

It would probably be wiser to just ignore it (and her) though.

Flip