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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

'DH' wants to keep rights to house but not pay mortgage.

39 replies

trackerc · 08/09/2014 23:29

STBXH has announced he wants to retain his name on mortgage & house, though I am to pay entirety of mortgage & household expenditure with our LO.
He says that him leaving & having to rent a flat is what he would've been putting in the household & he won't pay but won't relinquish rights to the house. He'd originally said he'd sign over the house & I've been working on that assumption trying to negotiate a mortgage etc.
Using him not leaving as a veiled threat. - It's unsustainable in the house (or at least for me) & can't really tell LO too much as it'll be confusing if nothing really changes, so feeling in such limbo :-(
Also demanding over £10k & a car as 'set up new home' expenses. Refusing to take joint furniture.
Had free legal advice but he's just shocked me with this new info. Is this all possible?

OP posts:

KellyElly · 09/09/2014 13:33

It would be much easier if you could just sell the house and split the proceeds. He has one car (you choose which one) and you split the furniture. You are then legally and financially separate.

getthefeckouttahere · 09/09/2014 16:04

Tell him to do one. As he is not prepared to act even anywhere near sensibly and fairly you really can't sort this out yourself. Get a solicitor, stick with them (yes its going to cost a bit) once he realises your not to be fucked about his position will change.

skyeskyeskye · 09/09/2014 21:19

(In 2012) My solicitor told me that the starting point for equity in the jointly owned house is 50/50. Then you would probably get more because of DC so could go 60/40 or even 70/30 in your favour. He can't force you to sell the house unless it is too big for your needs. He can be awarded a share of his equity, that is then attached to the house until youngest DC is 18, or you remarry or co-habit or whatever is agreed upon. At that point you sell or remortgage and pay him off.

Regarding CSA, the rules are changing and Child Maintenance Options is the new system. They calculate 12% of his GROSS income as maintenance. You can work it out for yourself by using this link

www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/

so it doesn't matter what he thinks he should or shouldn't pay, if he won't play ball with the agreed amount, you can get it taken straight from his wages.

As suggested, get yourself some decent legal advice, it will be worth it in the long run.

EarthWindFire · 09/09/2014 21:24

skye the OP has already said that a Mesher order isn't really appropriate in their case as both are reasonably high earners for where they live.

skyeskyeskye · 09/09/2014 23:18

I was only passing on info gained from my solicitor. I didnt suggest it was appropriate, merely saying that her H won't be able to stay on the mortgage just because he says so.....

MeMyselfAnd1 · 10/09/2014 00:18

You can have a Mesher order if you both are good earners. Many people opt for them to avoid disrupting the children further with a relocation.

lauranorder50 · 10/09/2014 03:03

Do NOT let him keep his name on the mortgage. He's wanting this AND ten grand and a car ? Why ? For no other reason than he knows you've got two cars and can somehow raise ten grand. How about you asking him for ten grand and a car ? How would that sit with him ?

As has been suggested, get some proper legal advice. What's the deal with him wanting things anyway ?

He will keep coming back for a bit more or something else if you don't get a clean break now.

He could kick off all sorts of shit if he believes he's got his name on the mortgage and therefore an interest in the property. Could he move lodgers in to make money for himself ? What's to stop him using it to raise capital for himself that you end up paying for ?

Oh, no. Not happening. Clean break and he can sling his hook.

EarthWindFire · 10/09/2014 05:32

You can have a Mesher order if you both are good earners. Many people opt for them to avoid disrupting the children further with a relocation.

Yes but they certainly aren't ideal for the reasons pointed out up thread and very well may not be advised in this situation as they can be avoided.

MsAnthropic · 10/09/2014 08:24

You can have a Mesher order if you both are good earners. Many people opt for them to avoid disrupting the children further with a relocation.
You can't "opt" for a Mesher order by just deciding you want one; they're not a right. They are orders that can be made by judges (and some dislike them and won't make them) only if there isn't another way for both parties to buy their own homes. I'm curious how you define "many people" exactly and where that information comes from?

MeMyselfAnd1 · 11/09/2014 00:47

MsAnthropic, since you know more about the subject could you please offer your advice to the op?

MsAnthropic · 11/09/2014 08:25

MsAnthropic, since you know more about the subject could you please offer your advice to the op?
I did give advice in my first post on this thread, which was: "OP, you need to speak to a solicitor who can give you accurate advice that's most appropriate for your case." A solicitor with all the relevant facts in front of him/her is really the only person who can or should be giving legal advice, although obviously the general support and non-legal advice on here is very helpful.

Anyway, a Mesher order is not that far from what the OP's STBXH is proposing - her paying most/all of the outgoings with him retaining a financial interest in it. The courts' first responsibility is to make sure the children are adequately housed, but they will also try to ensure that the other party can be housed too.

Original poster

trackerc · 11/09/2014 21:10

I do agree the advice & support is helpful and even if the views or comments aren't all in full agreement I'm grateful for viewpoints, experiences etc. I realise I need my own individual circumstances legal advice which I'm pursuing (had my next appt cancelled today as sol was in court) but getting it next week.
Helpful advice & posts give me a better understanding & broaden my knowledge so all v helpful.
I don't want to destabilise anything for LO, but equally don't want to feel chained to a property that I pay fully for while he reaps benefit (when the real reason he wants his own place is to have his dirty deeds) yet will play publicly the wounded 'thrown out' poor me dad.

OP posts:

43percentburnt · 11/09/2014 22:06

Errr... No. Don't keep him on it. Sounds like financially you may be in a position to buy him out or sell. A sale can be forced. A good Conveyancer with experience in such matters may be able to sort that out easily. And please take everything you are entitled to. I say on here regularly I work in this area and am fed up of women giving money away for a quiet life! And men bragging about not paying maintenance, sometimes in front of their new partners, what catches they are!

I had a refuse to leave, refuse to pay, you earn more than me, aggressive ex. Life is sooooo much better now he is in a different county! Yes it destabilised dd for a while, but not for long.

Do what you need to do, see it as protecting you and your dd for the future just in case your ex decides to pack his job in leaving you to support your child. When he pulls the your screwing me for everything, just ignore him, you are only doing what you are legally entitled to do.

43percentburnt · 11/09/2014 22:10

Does he think it would be good to keep the rights to having his tea cooked and having his pants washed too?

A separation usually means living separate lives, ie apart.

Sorry had a particularly frustrating day! Good luck op hope you get a lovely house with your LO, without your exes name on it!

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