finding enough time together?

[sherherazade]

How do you as 2 single parents?

We live an hour apart, he has his dd 2/3 nights a week, we each have other commitments one night a week, which leaves us with 2/3 nights together. There's no possibility of us living together for 5 years plus, and meeting his dd is still a few months away. Finding increasingly that the time we have together isn't quite enough.

It's been a year. Has she had a year to start getting used to the new set up, or have there been other changes that haven't been in place for long?
Because a year is a long time.
I would say that far from simply needing "time", she needs straight talking (in a caring way) to understand the new situation.

Even if he doesn't want you to meet her yet (after all you haven't been together long) I do think he should be preparing groundwork: "daddy is dating".

My money is on him being worried about XW reaction, and the daughter concern is at least partially a cover.

I'm a bit if I'm honest that you've even suggested giving up your one night a week other commitment. Presuming it's something you like to do, as you haven't dropped it. Don't start giving up your other interests for a man! Especially one who isn't committed enough to your relationship to even tell his daughter he's dating.

He's completely committed to me, I have no concerns on that score. He is just reluctant to upset or rush her, which I understand. Its a difficult situation.

I suspect there may be an element of concern over his XW reaction, she is the resident parent and could make life difficult if she reacts badly. Then again she may not give a shit one way or the other, especially if she's seeing someone herself.

As to my commitments, it was a thought, no more than that at this stage. It may be I try and see if I can switch to a different night, or that he does. Certainly no decision has been made yet.

Where does the rushing end though? How long is long enough?
Sorry if that sounds pushy...! I just think that if she is still upset enough after a year, then by NOT telling her he's dating, he's actually not going to help either of them in the long run.

Mind you, I told my 5yo about the spilt in terms of "we are not one true loves" and the same day she suggested we needed to find our true loves. All personalities are different, but my gut feel is that it's better for him to say "I'm going to start dating" and start to deal with any concerns.

One person's giving time is another person's ignoring reality!

Youve got to wonder though if the ex will be so thoughtful of her daughters feelings when her time comes to finding someone

That's irrelevant, no?
One person introducing too soon has no whether the other should.
And there is NOTHING to suggest the ex would be any more or less thoughtful. Let's not think badly of her simply because she is an ex!