Here we go again....

[strong123]

Been split for nearly 6 months after 23 years together due to his close friendship with a female friend. Him seeing her all the time has just stopped hurting and I am refusing to react to his behaviour anymore.

Returned home from work today to find that he had given the kids a lift home from school. DS tells me is worried about dad as he had a CT scan today for bad headaches. He has not mentioned this to me and told me he had a business meeting today at the time that he was supposed to be having the scan.

I just don't understand him - why would you tell your children news like this? I phoned him to ask if he was unwell and he is supposed to be back at the doctor tomorrow for the results. He jokingly tells me that it is my nagging that is giving him headaches.....don't want to be unsympathetic but I really struggle with the way his mind works sometimes!

Anyway rant over - thanks for listening....

Sounds like attention-seeking to me. Not the headaches per se but bothering the DCs like that. I think you calling and asking if he's OK was the object of the exercise.

What Cog said.

"female friend" dont believe it.

Attention seeking and blame mongering- you know what he is doing. If you have been split for 6 months, stay that way.

I did think that as well especially as he was parked outside her house again last night and he knew I would have seen him there but didn't react!

The thing is if he is ill then I will feel terrible but he tells so many lies that I feel that I am constantly questioning and doubting myself! I can't understand why he would tell me he had a business meeting in the office (we run our own business) - there was no need to tell me this but then tell the kids that he had been to hospital. If will be another sleepless night!

If he is ill in RL then you will find out in due course, at the moment your gut instinct is telling you that he is making it up.

Tell the kids "oh dear, poor dad, well hopefully he will be better soon". And dont indulge him. Dont lose sleep over it until he is losing sleep over it.

Thanks orange fusion - I don't want him back but I'm so tired of dealing with him!

I had a few days away with the kids last week and it was fantastic - we all had a great time.

I don't know if he is having an affair or not but it has taken 6 months for me to stop getting upset every time I see him at her house (she lives the road from us!). Yesterday I gave him no reaction but would you really say something like that time an 11 year old?

Last sentence should say like that to an 11 year old - silly iPad!

I guess he is no longer in a relationship with you so has no need to tell you his personal business ie about scan. He was ridiculously selfish to have told DC about the scan as they will obviously worry now.
Why on earth will you lose sleep over a silly, selfish man? It's pointless worrying about things we have no control over,it makes no difference whatsoever to the situation and it will just leave you tired and stressed and less able to deal with the actual difficulty once the real facts are established.
It's a recent separation and no doubt you are still quite fragile and emotional but try to let go now. He is no longer your concern or your responsibility. Just talk to DC and try to reassure them, however, if they see you worrying then they will start to worry too.

I understand that he shouldn't need to tell me but the annoying thing is that he tells the children of 11 and 16 and not me!! We also have a business together so surely it would be nice to be kept up to date?

I know I am expecting too much of him and expecting to act like I would - with decency and respect but it is hard to not worry about someone who has been a part of your life for 24 years, is the father of your children and your business partner.

Anyway have found out today that he has exaggerated the truth - he did have a scan but it was with the dentist. Why does he feel the need to constantly lie? Just when I think he can't sink any lower - he comes up with something new....