I've messed up.

[SummerMelody]

I'm scared to post this. I've made a mistake, I've messed things up and I just want to cry forever.

My soon to be DH is perfect, loving, caring, trusting and everything I have ever wanted. We are so happy together.

I have an ex who was abusive. Last week, he contacted me out of the blue and asked me for a date from a course that I might know, as he was applying for a course. I thought the best thing I could do was reply in a straight, fairly cold manner, to show him that I was in control of the situation. This was a mistake, obviously. I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing at the time. I didn't mention it to DP as it didn't seem like a big deal, and I just forgot all about it.

He messaged me again last night, and referred to something that he should not know about. I don't know how he knows. So I ignored and blocked him. I told DP because it shook me up, and he was lovely about it.

He then asked if it was the first time I'd heard from him. My brain went to say, no, he messaged me last week too, but my mouth said yes. So I lied. I don't know why I lied. I think I panicked and felt embarrassed, as though I'd bought it on myself by replying last week.

I think he could tell I had lied, and for a few minutes I tried to get out of it. Then I told him that I had lied, explained it all and said how desperately sorry I was. He was really upset, obviously. He has said that it will be ok, but right now he is still very upset that I lied to him.

I feel distraught and devastated. Not for me. But because I have hurt the man that I love more than anything in the world. I'm not a bad person, I'm not one to lie. I don't know what happened. But I'm scared he'll never be able to trust me again and I'm just devastated. I just didn't want to hurt him. The last thing I'd ever want to do in the world is hurt him.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I know I'm wrong so I'm not really asking for advice. I'm just so upset.

You panicked.

Your human. If you have now been honest and gave him the reasons why and he has accepted the apology - don't best yourself up about it.

Show him your remorseful but move on. He shouldn't drag this out either.

I don't think you have done anything that ad. I have a v abusiveex and might well panic and do what you have done, but my new dp would understand and be kind. I would question your new dps reaction. It seems over the top and harsh to me.

I can see why he's upset. He was by your own account lovely in response to you raising the second contact by you ex, he asked you a simple straightforward question and you lied, if i was him i would be cross with you and wondering all sort of things about why you lied. As they say around these parts it would be a huge red flag to me.

However on the plus side you realised what an idiot you had been and immediately tried your best to undo the mistake. If it was me i would wait for the immediate anger to pass, put aside some time to properly discuss this, (no kids/tv etc) and explain clearly and reasonably why this happened, stress that you regret it and acknowledge his likely feelings, listen to what he has to say and try to work a way through it. I am sure that you can find a way.

Unfortunately i don't agree with posters who think this is a trivial issue, but then i do place huge importance on trust in relationships. Good luck.

One knee-jerk, instantly apologised for lie under stress doesn't make you a terrible person. You're badly overreacting.