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Relationships

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Where would i find a (non legally binding) template for separation from husband

30 replies

Madaboutcake · 08/09/2014 16:24

Hi

my husband has decided to end the marriage and will be moving out this month. I will retain care of the children and am also the sole breadwinner. He has agreed not to force sale of the house for 12 months and has said he will continue to do school pick-ups, school holidays plus some of the gardening. For this "privilege" I get to pay him £1500 per month. Sorry if I sound bitter - I am now in my angry phase! What I would like is a draft agreement that will suit us for this 12 month phase so he confirms this for the £1500, but also confirms I will deduct costs from this allowance if he reneges on his responsibilities so that I can then pay for childcare and gardening. Does anyone know where I can get such a document from - I tried Googling but it's just adverts from solicitors.

Also, any comments or advice on how to protect myself after 12 months is welcome - I have been married 22 years and am very naïve about divorce. Apparently he is entitled to 50% of the assets, which I find upsetting as he only has to support himself and the house is also my pension.

Thanks Sad

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 08/09/2014 18:22

I have a feeling that the husband has already taken legal advice and is fully aware of the implications of accepting such a large sum from his wife. PLUS the crap about getting her to sign as guarantor for his rent.

That's A LOT of money. It could end up being eighteen grand a year plus his rent.

Fuck that

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/09/2014 18:24

Another one saying that acting as guarantor for a man who is holding your feet to the fire is a disaster waiting to happen. I know you're anxious to get rid of him but this is not the way.

Ihatefootball · 08/09/2014 19:03

Why would you act as guarantor to someone who wants to divorce you???? He wants to be separate from you apart from when he wants your money and security? NO! If he wants to leave, let him find a place on his own without any help from you. That is what happens when you divorce. You get to do stuff by yourself, like it or lump it!

Don't be tied to him in any way. Don't help him. He is a grown man, let him man up!

AcrossthePond55 · 08/09/2014 20:04

Yes, I'm going to internet-shout, sorry.

NEVER SIGN ANYTHING REGARDING DIVORCE/MAINTENANCE/CHILDREN WITHOUT SEEING A SOLICITOR FIRST!!!

Even 'non-binding' or 'informal' agreements can be entered into evidence as proof of you being 'agreeable' to whatever the agreement states. It's a slippery slope from there to it being made a court order.

Please get legal advice before agreeing to anything.

WellWhoKnew · 09/09/2014 06:48

Taking legal advice from your separated husband - a mug's game.
Twisting legal advice as one rule for women, another for man: discrimination. There is a whole other set of laws about that.

Believing the higher earner has all the power, and the lower earner is 'supplicant' - a very common mistake made by divorcing spouses.

There is no fixed way of determining settlement, the starting point is 50/50 but rarely is the finishing point 50/50 - everyone's divorce is unique because everyone's set up is different.

Factors which influence are:

Age and earning capacity of the adults
Age of the children
Where the children are to live
Family income and assets, debts and liabilities
Lifestyle enjoyed in the marriage
Length of marriage
Disability/Health

A starting point will look at what you 'need' and what he 'needs'. After that, what can be afforded. For most people, running two family homes out of one income cannot be afforded. A 'Mesher' Order, forcing the primary carer to stay in the marital home is often preferred by judges because the divorce is between the adults, not the children, and it minimises the damage to the children. However, staying in the family home 'because I want it to be my pension' won't cut it for anyone. This is about separating the marital assets (no matter who paid for them) in a fair manner.

He is entitled to 50%, and with his on-going life-limiting illness, he is going to be treated as a poorly person by the legal system. However, there are the needs of a very young person to balance against this.

Your needs will come third, I'm afraid - less alone you wants.

Yours is a complicated situation and your outcome will come down to what you negotiate. A solicitor will tell you what a judge might order, if you can't agree between yourselves. The onus is to agree between yourselves not rely on the court system to sort it out for you.

Sensible legal advice, even though it is cost ££££s will save you a helluva lot more in the long run, most likely.

Unfortunately, like a lot of earning spouses you cannot decide what he will get because you have the earnings. It, unfortunately, is all about needs and fairness. There are some on this thread who are trying to apply the laws because of he's role in society as 'man'. The rules are the same irrespective of gender. He may be the biggest twat in the world - but he remains a twat with rights. You remain the person with responsibilities. It might not feel 'fair' to you, but the law is impartial.

Depending on what you earn, paying him 1500 month may be the bargain of the century. It comes down to whether you can afford it. Until you have negotiated and agreed a financial order, that is a solution for having him out of the house. He could take you to court for that 1500 a month anyway, so all the better to agree to it if you can afford it.

It's the same laws for billionnaires as it is for the lowly poor person, I'm afraid. Fairness is only a point of view.

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