Fed up, need a bit of a wallow

[Ikeameatballs]

I split up with ex-p 18mobths ago after over 10 years together. Undoubtedly the best decision and not one I have ever regretted.

BUT

I feel really lonely and fed up. I'm angry with ex-p for being an absolutely absent parent. He's had the children overnight once since we split up, massively reduced contact with them once he found out I was dating again and last saw them for 4 hours a week ago. He's not been in touch at all to find out about DS's first day at school. His lack of care and interest in our lovely children upsets me so much when I think about how rejected the children must feel.

I work full-time, including some anti-social hours where I need my parents to look after the children as there would be no other childcare. I don't yet feel comfortable using non-family babysitters as I feel the dc are too young. This limits how often I can go out socialising and I simply can't get out of the house in the evening just to go for a run etc.

I've found OLD difficult, I had a fling at the start of the year which was lovely and gave me my confidence back but another relationship has ended and left me full of doubt about opportunity to find love again and meet my needs for affection. I feel like it is so very, very long since I was cared for by another adult that it hurts.

Can someone just tell me that things will get better?

Of course things get better. It's all still relatively new for you, the children are very young and this is the tough part of being a parent whether you're in a relationship or not. Were the contact arrangements agreed formally or did you just cobble something together between you? If it's the former, it might be worth fixing.

As for finding love again... don't rush. Find your feet first and, once you're happier in your skin, then approach dating. If you get too desperate for another adult to care about you, you can make some crappy decisions about who you let in.

We cobbled something together. He simply isn't interested in the dc, it was a problem when we were together as well. He is utterly unable to think about anyone else other than himself.

Then I would work on the assumption that he's not going to be part of their lives ongoing and arrange your schedule according to what works best for you.... fitting him in only if it's convenient. Does he pay maintenance?

He doesn't pay maintenance, he has/had loads if debt and doesn't have a steady job. I can't be bothered to fight for money from him, I can, luckily manage without financial support from him.

Bit of a dead loss as a father all round then. A pity for all concerned but I think you'll get further and life will be easier if you have zero expectations about him rather than holding out any hopes he'll suddenly turn into a decent human being.

His loss. He sounds like a tosser op. I bet there are lots of people who care for you even if it isnt in an intimate way.