How do I respond?

[2Bemused]

We have a long-distance relationship, 8 years up to now. I am older. For various reasons I am working away from my home during the week and he is alternating between his base office and another location about 240 miles away.
Due to changes in locations we hadn't seen one another for 3 months until yesterday, when he had suggested that he drive up & back from his "other" location. I did not know initially that he was still there. When I found out, I said I would book into a hotel near his flat. We often meet at this particular hotel, although I go to his place and he comes to my house. I then worked out the time he would spend travelling & said I wasn't keen for him to do this, but he said, please don't say no as I have arranged everything. He wasn't going to be staying the night as he had to get back for a meeting today (it's the industry he works in, nothing suspicious).
Anyway the whole thing was a disaster as I ended up suddenly feeling very, very ill, think headache of sledgehammer proportions which is still present, although not quite so bad, over 24 hours later. He did comment that I had suddenly turned strange looking and more or less sent me to bed. So he left again, after only 2 hours.
He did send me a text when he got back, but I didn't read it until early this morning. I responded & he told me I should get some more sleep (bad night due to headache etc.).
I have just had a long, angry-ish text berating me about the fact that he drove all that way, spent all that money on fuel & didn't even get a cup of coffee. He did drink a lot of water and ate all the nice fruit in my hotel room.
I am bemused and upset. I told him not to come as I didn't want him to do all that driving and I didn't know I was going to get a headache as I rarely have them.
I do not know how to reply to this angry text. I have transferred the fuel money to his account, though, as the subtext suggested this was his main concern.
I am not prepared to have a row about this, it is too silly, but I have held off replying until my fingers don't want to point out that I also drove quite a way, paid for a hotel room & missed my window of opportunity to do anything at my house other than the washing and ironing, because I think that would be childish.
How would you handle this?
I am now back near my workplace, which is about 180 miles from where we met up.
And I am upset about the whole stupid weekend.
We normally get on like a house on fire.

Please could you answer the several people who have asked a rather key question

Why did you book a hotel room if you were travelling to be near his flat ? Why didn't you stay at his flat ?

Because his wife wouldn't like it, perhaps?

Oh dear.

This is not a 'relationship'.

It's nothing to do with distance and everything to do with the fact that

A) you're questioning things like you don't even know each other

B) you seem pretty nonchalant about the fact that you haven't seen each other in three months and, more telling IMO,

C) you stay in a hotel near his flat when you do meet.

Something sounds very like an affair dodgy to me.

Regardless of whether you are having an affair he doesn't care about you and is treating you appallingly.

A decent man would not have whinged about a wasted visit. A decent man would have stayed, ensured you had your comforts and at the very least checked up on you in the morning.

Why are you with this man? I feel sad that you can't see how awful he is

No, no affair. It's to do with our jobs. I can work in anywhere from Dublin to Zurich, he can be anywhere from Washington to Munich.
I have been to his place loads of times, it is as cosy as a station waiting-room.
I very much enjoyed all the assumptions made. But you could well make them about me, too.
Anyway we talked about it during the course of today by e-mail & I am satisfied with the outcome. I have far too much stress at work to cope with private-life trauma, too.
Now all I have to do is find out why I get a pounding headache when about to orgasm.

Un-watches

You basically pay him for sex then?

.

I don't get any of this
I didn't know I was going to get a headache as I rarely have them

There are plenty of odd posts floating around today...

This seems like a gigolo arrangement. I never believed they existed. Every day is a school day. Does he look like Richard Gere ?

What a very odd thread indeed.

My goodness, he sounds very expensive.

He seems to lack a sense of sympathy that would be present in most 8 year relationships when one partner is ill. Instead of asking how you were, he asked for a refund of his fuel money.

This sort of contract isn't legally enforceable, you know. Its chance whether it goes ahead or not.

The worst part for me is the implication that, like you, he has a high flying job that demands he jets around the world and therefore presumably a salary to match yet he will argue over petrol money like a poor student.

There's something not right here. I don't know anyone, well-paid or not, that would shell out for a hotel room when their partner lives just up the road

Especially when they are only stopping for a few hours as they have to be somewhere else 240 miles away the following morning. You couldn't even make a mini-break out of it, could you?

Your relationship arrangements are your business, but I would not give time of day to anyone who conveniently forgets your hotel bill and your fuel bill but will quibble over £30 worth of fuel for his own car.

I have to say that it does smack of you being required to compensate him for the lack of a shag.

Eh?

OP... what on earth??

Maybe he got an earful from his wife when he got home as she thought it implausible for him to have come home from a work thing in the middle of the night, and he took it out on you?

shame isn't it?

All that disposable income to blow on hotels, fuel etc, but not an ounce of self worth.

What a total waste of 8 years of 2 lives.

:(