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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did he do anything wrong? And can I do anything about it?

34 replies

crazygirl101 · 07/09/2014 16:32

At the age of 15 I left school after getting into some trouble. I was sexually assaulted, and completely went of the rails. My parents got my a tutor. He was young and he was the only person I could talk about things to. At the same time to my shame I started selling sex for money, I also told him about this but he chose to do nothing. I he was in his early 20's.

At this time I honestly thought we were friends. He would come around to my house do some work with me, and we would chat. At the time he seemed like a really nice guy. He would do things like buy cigarettes for me.

He went off for the summer, and I stayed at home. I was in a really bad place and had started to get my head back together. I was not 16. He texted me when he got home and persuaded me to meet up with him. It was around 2am in the morning, and we ended up having sex in his car. I didn't object, and at the time didn't see it as anything to be ashamed off. He did do some things I wasn't happy with (think fingers where they should not be), but I didn't say anything at the time.

This was a few years ago. After that he completely ignored me. I told my friend who was angry and she text him. He just denied everything.

The weird thing is, he has just added me on facebook. It's come out of the blue.

So did he do anything wrong? If I reported him would anything happen? I feel like he took advantage off me when I was in a vulnerable position.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/09/2014 17:42

Rape Crisis is an excellent idea. If I'm getting the time-line right you're now over 18 and therefore an adult. You're quite a different person to the traumatised and confused girl you were a few years ago and much more difficult to ignore or intimidate. I also think, especially given the current news stories, you should talk to your parents, tell them that what happened those girls happened to you as well and that you're asking for their support because you intend to prosecute. Your parents would have been placed under a lot of pressure at the time to shield you from the court process, given that you were already suffering mentally. I think they will get behind you now.

crazygirl101 · 07/09/2014 17:48

That is all well and good. But if he didn't break the law then I would be wasting my time. I'd also be dragging up a lot of dirt hurting myself and my family. I am concerned he would do it again. However if his actions were not unlawful then I can't see it being a positive action for me.

I've looked into it, and a teacher is in a position of trust. A tutor is not registered and therefore would not be in this position.

It wasn't rape. He just took advantage. Therefore he gets away with it. Thats not fair but it's life.

OP posts:
Wrapdress · 07/09/2014 17:51

Most men know not to have sex with underage girls as it is illegal. The question is then - what is the definition of "underage" in your jurisdiction?

crazygirl101 · 07/09/2014 17:55
OP posts:
Quitelikely · 07/09/2014 18:08

Well what you could do is contact the school he was working at when it happened because he certainly did take advantage of you. I'm certain that he would be in breach of his terms of contract. The school certainly need to be aware. They have a duty towards young people and he is one sort of person who shouldn't be allowed to be working with vulnerable people.

I thought there was a law about abusing a position of trust? He did that.

If you add him on FB. Maybe you could ask him why he did to you what he did. If he responds. Keep the evidence.

ilovepowerhoop · 07/09/2014 18:12

I dont think the tutor worked at the school, the parents arranged that

I wouldnt engage on facebook at all, I think that is a bad idea

TracyBarlow · 07/09/2014 18:43

What he did was not illegal but was certainly immoral. What a bastard. Xx

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/09/2014 18:50

Why not call the 101 non emergency police number, talk to someone about what happened (leaving out names initially) and let them decide if any laws have been broken?

Lovelydiscusfish · 07/09/2014 18:58

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Do you know if he was/is an employee of, for example, a pupil referral unit, or even working for a private tuition agency? I don't know the legal implications but would assume anyone working as a teacher in any capacity should be subject to the same legal/professional restrictions, whether working for a school or not. I don't know for sure, though. Certainly finding out what capacity he was employed in, and whether he is a registered teacher, might be helpful, if you do decide to talk to the police.
Wishing you the very best in moving on from this traumatic event.

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