History: Dp and together for 12ish years. 3 DC (5 and under). Relationship has never been right really. We got on very well but he let me down alot. Before we had dc, dp was 'one of the lads' kind of guy, spent every Saturday afternoon in the pub, football came first (and still does now).
I accidentally fell pregnant when i was 24 (he was 25). We were both living with our parents. I copped on straight away and took responsibility, started saving etc, he continued his lifestyle. I felt very let down by him as spent every weekend alone while pregnant.
After i had ds, I fell pregnant again very quickly 
. We moved in together (renting) but again felt very alone during the pregnancy.
Two years ago i started a four year degree which i am in the middle of. I had dc3 this year, it fell in with my degree but has been tiring trying to juggle it all. things havent been good woth dp and i think we have decided to call it a day :( I know this is the best thing to do but i am terrified of being alone, raising three kids, doing a degree and having no job... 
I feel like ive made a balls of my life.
Dp has calmed down, he goes out maybe once a month now. I have major trust issues because of the past though. i trust him with other women but dont trust that he will come home, or come home in a decent state. He has embarrassed me so many times..only 3 weeks ago at a wedding, he got so drunk he fell asleep after the meal then pissed himself back in our bedroom :( a few weeks before that he stumbled home and fell into one of the dcs beds (Ds was in with me) and pissed the bed :( Last november his family were over from abroad visiting for an event that d was involved in. we all went to th event and came home at a decent hour (i was pregnant and said id go back to babysitter), he was no where to be seen the next morning and didnt show his face until the following evening, pissed drunk. i was mortified especially that his family were over. These are just three of many, many examples. At that wedding i warned him to take it easy and not drink the wine at meal but he didnt listen. He is always full of shame after these events.
Another issue is his anger. He has never been violent with me but snaps over silly things. If the kids accidentally spill a drink, he'll go mad. If i dropped my phone and broke it for example, hed go on and on about it and how careless i was. he has a real 'i told you so' attitude and it drives me mad. If he came in and the house was messy, rather than assume ive had a tough day, he will huff and puff about how i should be more organised and i should manage my time better.
Gosh, he sounds like a real catch when i have it written out in front of me!!
Another issue i have is that he has no respect for my time. HE plays 2 matches a week and trains once or twice during the week so all those times, im alone with the kids. If i have something on (which is rare, maybe once every 2 weeks) it will always be on his terms. So if i wanted to go in shopping, hed say thats grand but i need you back by 4pm etc
I wanted to visit a mutual friend recently who had a new baby. We had intended on visiting with the kids and make a weekend out of it but a few weeks before i said i was actually going to go alone and if he wanted to visit her then he could go a couple of weeks after me. i just needed a break from the kids but of course when the time came to book the tickets, he said we didnt have enough money. That was fine and i would have accepted that but i just know that we will suddenly have a the money when he is going on his friends stag trip next month which is abroad and gong to cost us about 500e. this will be his 6th trip away in the last year or so (all these trips are stags abroad. We have never had a family holiday aroad though...We ended having a row over this and he threw out his usual 'id like to see you pay the rent' line.
Sorry one more example of his selfishness that always sticks in my mind is that when i had dc3, the hospital were planning on discharging me 24 hours after ds had been born. This fell on a friday. Dp is self employed and insisted that he had to work on the friday, that he had a 'really important' job on. he made a big song and dance and stressed me out that id have to go home alone after having ds. Sp he went and asked my mum to come and mind me, which i didnt want as i just wanted to chill out and i knew my mum would be fussing over me. So in the end i asked the hosp would i stay in an extra night. the next morning i rang him and 'suddenly' his work wasnt so important as he had gone to 'wet the babys' head the night before and was too hungover for work! After all the fuss he made, he ended up not going to this ever so important job because he was too tired but he couldnt accommodate me and his new baby :(. He also went straight back to work the following monday and made no effort to get home early to give me a hand. Two weeks after ds3 was born, I went to a friends for coffee after i had dropped the older two to school. I ended up staying longer then i had intended and between bf ds3 and collecting older two, the housework wasnt done that day. Dp came home and wasnt happy..Im actually in tears thinking back on this...he said my 'priority is the housework not havign 'tea' with X!'
Anyway, things have come to a head over the last few weeks and i have more or less made the decision to end things. we had intended on getting counselling bt i think it is over. I dont see how he could ever change into the person i want him to be.
Im terrifed though. Ive no where to go. My mum lives in an apartment and i am a student. i ahve no money :( At the end of my studies (sept 2016) i will have a good permanent job, not very well paid ( about 26k starting off) but enough to get by with. How i am going to get through this, i dont know...