Am I Being Impatient?

[Juliejools89]

New here, and would appreciate some advice. I've been dating since April and seem to have met a guy who is decent and likes me.
We live about 200 miles apart but I work in his city frequently so that's not an issue.
The thing is all 3 of our dates (most recent yesterday) haven't really been us doing anything. We just sit and talk in the park, hold hands, kiss, he cuddles up to me and such and it's lovely, but anytime we make real plans they fall through.
He runs a busy pub and yesterday whereas we planned to go out bed eat then go back to my hotel to watch a movie (he was going to stay if I didn't mind) his cover didn't show and we ended up stealing another 2 hour park meeting.
He said he may come over if the pub wasn't busy and he could close early- it was Saturday night, he closed at 11:25 and I was long asleep!

Do I carry on like this? Am I being impatient- I just want us to spend some actual time together and don't know whether to cut my losses before I get more attached or to just wait and see him again when we can.
He isn't dating anyone else, neither am I. We Whatsapp everyday and talk on the phone every few days. He seems genuine but having not dated for a long time feeling a bit confused!

Any advice? Anybody have experience of dating a landlord? Or a workaholic?

I wonder how the two of you met if you live so far apart ad his job is so antisocial. At the rate of one date every two months, if he can't even arrange reliable cover when you've travelled 200 miles, it doesn't sound like it's got much of a future, sorry. Has he ever spoken about travelling to see you?

Maybe his wife wouldn't let him out.

BTW... he's also a cheapskate if his idea of showing a woman a good time is sitting in a park or sharing her (prepaid)! Does he offer to buy you a cup of coffee?

prepaid hotel room...

Working in a pub is rubbish for socialising unless you are happy meeting on Tuesdays. Id just tell him and see if he can arrange regular, reliable cover otherwise there's really little point pursuing this.

I wasn't clear about the timing- I've been dating online since April, but met him online about 5 weeks ago.
He lives at the pub with his brothers and mum (big family run place).
We were meant to be going out to eat yesterday but the girl who was meant to cover his shift cancelled so he couldn't.
As terrible as it sounds I don't mind about the room- I don't pay for it either, it's work, so to me no different then coming to my house if I lived closer. Hope that clears things up a little!

Have you been to the pub?

Give him a break. If he works all the hours in a pub then a couple of hours outside, in a park, is probably heaven for him.

Any restaurant etc will just feel like he is back at work. I used to HATE being taken to pubs and restaurants when I was off shift. DH almost got it... that's probably why he is DH

But it doesn't sound like he is in a good place for a relationship, poor bloke. Too many calls on his time, family run businesses do that to you.

He doesn't seem to be trying very hard or showing much imagination. If it's a big family-run place they must have more than one person that can cover or, as the PP said, he could have invited you to the pub for a packet of peanuts and chat between pints. How old is this guy because 'sitting in the park' sounds pretty juvenile?

I bet he's married.

Surely you could have spent some of the evening at the pub? You could have chatted between customers and when he took a break. Also, I'll bet his mum would have let him leave early if she saw her boy's beau was there Did either of you even suggest this?

I may be cynical but I think this chap may not be unattached

I'm with the others, sorry, something is fishy!

Did he suggest that you went to the pub?

I had thought about him being with somebody already to be honest. The only reason I shelved that thought was because he's happily told me so much about himself and his family. He's quite reserved and bookish (for what it's worth he finds working in the bar difficult- says its not a natural fit for him but it's helping him mum) so I believe him when he says he's not been in a relationship for 15 months, that he doesn't party it up or actively sleep with hundreds of women. Call me too trusting if you will.
It's never been suggested I go to the pub. I don't think I would have gone this early on if I'm honest- it'd be like me inviting somebody for a second date to my office in a way.
I enjoyed the park, all three days have been beautiful days, nice and warm and the views are lovely where we go. I hadn't even considered what was said above about the hustle and bustle of restaurants and what not being like being at work.. Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way.

If what you want out of a date is to go somewhere fun, spend time together, feel that someone is putting themselves out to be with you, prioritising you .... all the usual stuff basically ... that's not 'looking at it the wrong way'. I'm not saying he's acting maliciously but from his angle you're pretty convenient and undemanding. You're not in his hair all week, bring yourself to him at regular intervals, are happy with a cheapo walk in the park and you have a fully-paid hotel room ready if he fancies a bunk up. It's just.... lazy....

But... he didn't get the bunk up... and the hotel room is also convenient, free and no bother to the OP. And it is a really new 'relationship'.

Long distance, online relationships have very different dynamics and he sounds like one of those people for whom they offer hope. Hope of something he can't get within the confines of his own busy, family sequestered life.

He is too busy to do much else rather than lazy - perhaps.

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