am i right to b upset?

[Cailindeas35]

Hi all.
Longtime lurker, first time poster.
I am in a relationship with a man for the last 18 months. Today is my birthday, but no present no card, nothing from him.
Backround, he spent all last week asking wat i wanted for my birthday and what wuld i like to do. I kept saying i dont kno, i dont mind, and at one point i just said flippantly i wanted nothing. So i think he took me literally and got me nothing. I wanted him to get me something he wanted to get me, make an effort. Im very upset been crying all nite and day. He knows im upset but not wat im upset about.
Am i right to b upset or is it my own stupid fault?

I think that's crap of him. No one in their right mind would think that 'I don't know, I don't mind, nothing' ACTUALLY means nothing. And no one in their right mind would not realise why you are upset on your birthday.

At the very least he should have got you a card. At the very least he should be taking you out to brunch/lunch/dinner/for a drink. At the very least he should be saying, I know you said you didn't want anything, but I'd still like to get you something, have a good think about what you would like.

Disclaimer: it's my birthday today as well, and I've had a shit day!

I hope he pulled through.
As others, I don't think you were to blame. It's ok not to know what you wanted for your birthday. Saying you didn't want anything sounds like you were fed up of being asked.
It is just as ok to want a surprise as to say something specific. I've done both.
He should be able to think of something that you might like, even if his choice is not what you'd choose. It's not as if you've just started dating.

Well, happy birthday to both birthday girls. :)

If I said to somebody I don't want you to make a fuss and they did I would assume they had no respect for my wishes.

That would ring alarm bells.

This poor guy thought he was doing the right thing.

I got nothing for mine not long past, and in previous years, just a card if he remembered. It would be nice to get anything, even something small, anything, but it never happens. Maybe you should have put in a few hints coming up to the time. I would be upset too. It doesnt take much to go out and buy a card, or book a meal, even lunch somewhere.

But there's a difference between respecting my wishes not to make a fuss and actually doing sod all - not even a card. If he actually did think he was doing the right thing, I think it is odd.

tootsey: "I got nothing for mine not long past, and in previous years, just a card if he remembered. It would be nice to get anything, even something small, anything, but it never happens."

Why are you with him?!

Maybe you should have put in a few hints coming up to the time

With respect, I disagree. Don't hint. State. Say, "For my birthday I would really appreciate a little surprise, nothing expensive, just something thoughtful that I haven't had to point out to you".

Hi all. Thks for all ur replies.
He took me at my word that i wanted nothing. I have a habit of being indecisive at the best of times and also changing my mind a lot, which i know is very irratating. So i think he used this particular event to make a point, trying to encourage me to say what i actually want.We discussed it last night. He is normally a very thoughtful man and he often picks me up little gifts that he knows id like for no particilar readon.
Anyway we went for a few drinks last nite and he had a pressie and card.
Im glad we discussed it, i didnt realise how frustrating my behaviour was and from now on ill say what i want, where i want to go etc.

Cardamomginger belated happy birthday.

I'm glad your day ended better than it started Cailindeas.

I don't think you need to say what you want.
You just need to be grateful for what you get if you don't say what you want.
He should also be told sometimes that you will welcome or prefer a surprise.

Glad you talked things over and he did have something for you. :)