On Tuesday, I discussed with my gf how I would like to one day hopefully be able to have a friendly relationship with my exh. I'd hope he is comfy to talk to me about all things, relationships and so on for the benefit of our children.
This really upset my gf. She became quite agitated about it, and speant a few hours being cross with me, saying how is made her jealous, been insensitive etc. she also bought up that she no longer chats to her ex gf as she knows it would make me uncomfy (this has for more to do with the fact that her exgf came on to her the last time she saw her a few months ago when I was away for the night) however she has mentioned to me that she no longer wants to chat to her ex because her ex wants to confide in her about her various
affairs and this makes my gf uncomfortable and conflicted due to being friends with her exgfs wife.
Whenever we argue she is irrational, brings all sorts of other stuff into it and then says she can no longer cope with things as they are, she's a failure etc etc. it's exhausting and I've stopped pandering to it.
The following morning-so Wednesday. I explained that I have done nothing wrong in my wish to be friendly with my exh for the children's sake. That each time she does the it's to hard she can't cope thing that she makes me feel that she views our relationship as disposable.
She rang me that morning to have another go at me and I explained it all again and then just got sad-it wasn't really resolved.
Whilst I was at work she texted to say that her ex gf had been in touch to let her know she had split from her wife.
Anyway. We both went to work, I got home first which is super unusual and got on with sorting the puppies out, I was upset about things still from the night before.
So we sit down and are having a cuppa and I ask generally how her day went and so on, I'm muted and not myself. I ask about her exgf and she starts to tell me but I can't follow so I ask if I can just see the texts ( we do this) and she tells me that it was via a phone call. I read the texts anyway, her fully ok with this and I can see that after her exgf text her originally to tell her the news my gf must have phoned her straight away as the reply via text back was "sorry in a meeting call you later" Anyway I get the kids to bed and it's niggling me that she has had this intimate chat about her exgfs split after giving me so much grief about my own hopes for a friendly relationship with my own exh.
So I get downstairs and ask her why she called her exgf after everything she had said the night before and she lied, said she hadn't that her exgf had called her. When I explained that I know she was lying she admitted it and then flipped. Started screaming at me and making no sense, she was like a corned animal, started screaming that I was chucking her out over and over again-I laughed from shock as it was so bizarre and basically shocking behaviour and she called me a c**t with real venom twice, spat it at me. I asked her it be quiet because the children might hear-she said "what do I fucking care if they hear, I'm leaving now they won't ever see me again" I asked her to leave, this is about 8pm and at 11.30 she still hadn't gone, wouldn't leave, she has a house of her own to go to. Just refused, begging me to not throw our relationship away as I had told her I needed time to process what had just happened. We had meant to be opening a new business in a few weeks and I called time on it as I just don't trust her to not do this again. She couldn't understand why I wasn't accepting her appology, kept trying to kiss me. I was asking her to go and she wouldn't, she even said that I can forgive my children for saying hurtful things so why can't I for give her! she was lying on the floor of my/our room and I said what if the boys come in and see her there! So to get into bed, she did. She left the next morning and I had the locks changed. I informed all my family and neighbours and had my best friend and her dh come stay with me that day and night. She bombarded me with over 100 calls texts and messages, just begging me to not throw it all away. That she was angry and hadn't meant it, wouldn't do it again, loves me etc. this isn't the first time she has done this. This is a regular thing, we've been together 2 years but this is the first time my children have been around. They heard her abusing me. They lay alone in their beds scared and I wasn't there for them. Since all this I remained no contact for 1 day and have had a little contact since then. She won't leave me alone. Has turned up at work with handfuls of pictures of us together in happy times making promises of having changed. She asked if I wanted breakfast bought to me at work test and I said i didn't as I would crumble and I have been such a wreck at work lately but she still turned up with coffee and some bits. She sent me a huge bunch of flower and left breakfast in my back garden seeing as she couldn't get in the porch.
She's been to counselling, she spoken to her mother about this which is a huge step.
But I was terrified, this smacks of abuse and I can't have her near me or my children. Why then when I talk to her do I start to crumble and believe that she might change? I have no back bone.
I don't want to be in a relationship like this, I love her and want to see the best in her and the good times are amazing, it's like I'm her queen-but when this happens it's as tho a red mist descends and she is un reachable. I feel like I'm being manipulated, I know she loves me-but she isn't thinking about me here is she, she is thinking about her-she is panicking and that's why she can't leave me be.
Sorry if it's garbled and disjointed, that's kinda how my head feels ATM.