is this the right thing?

[Blahdeblah111]

myself and my partner of 6 years are in a rut- no spark, excitement and we're stuck in a boring routine. we've talked about it and he is moving out next month and renting somewhere so that we have some space. my main issue with the relationshipis that I don't feel desired and wanted anymore. I know relationships go a bit stale over time but I don't want a relationship where I feel like this. he thinks time apart will help... but to be honest, I think when we separate I will see other people just to feel wanted and to help me realise what it is I want. we have said that when we separate we will be single, so there aren't any blurred lines as such. does anyone have experience of going through something similar? what was the outcome?

Oh gosh, that sounds pretty thorny... I've got out of a marriage where I didn't feel desired (and I know how hideously dispiriting and damaging to your self-confidence that is) - but once I was out, I was out. The idea of going away, being with other people and getting back together sounds full of problems to me.

The idea of going off and you both seeking satisfaction elsewhere seems more about scratching an itch than it does about working on your relationship. How desirable will you feel if he were to go off, be with other women and then come back to you - would you really feel at peace with that? Or would you be constantly asking yourself about what made them more desirable than you and comparing yourself unfavourably to them?

Similarly, what will putting your energies into other people achieve? And how will you be able to return to your relationship - how much respect will you have for one another? Will you have renewed love and desire, or will you have a relationship like before, but with added issues of mistrust and jealousy?

I'd say tread really, really carefully. Ask yourself, what is it you really want? Do you want to be in this relationship anymore, or is this a way of emotionally weaning yourself off it?

thanks night, I appreciate your comments. I guess I'm trying to emotionally distance myself a bit. we've been together for most of our twenties, so a part of me wants to experience being single again. My head is all over the place though, I change what I want daily!