I can't go on

[pieceofpurplesky]

Massive row with ex. I still love him. I am fucking DSs life up by not being able to cope. Sat on the bed counting fucking pills. I just want go go to sleep and never wake

Sweetheart I'm sure someone with some better words of advice will be along soon, but here's a hand for you to hold if you want it... Don't count the pills, put them back and put them away - no matter how much you still love him, nobody has the right to make you feel like you want to harm yourself in any way. How old is your DS? Is he with you at the moment?

I know you can't see it right at this second, but your DS needs you and taking those pills will not help him.

Where is he right now? Is there anyone who can come over so you aren't on your own?

You are coping a minute at a time. You are trying to find a way forward by posting here.

What was the row with your ex about? What's the back story?

Put the pills away and make yourself a nice hot drink (I know that sounds patronising but honestly doing something practical like making yourself a drink will help you to calm down for a few minutes) and then pour it all out to us and we will see if we can find a way through it.

Your ds needs you. Whatever has happened with your ex to cause you this much pain shows he isn't worth it. It might not feel like that now but take it literally minute by minute, day by day and the pain will get less.

If you are feeling suicidal please ring the samartians for someone to talk to..they are very helpful.

thanks. Calmer now. DS has just come home he is 10 and it is only him that keeps me here as I would never leave him. H and I had a wonderful relationship but following a terrible 18 months of miscarriage, death and illness we fell out of being in love. I has every confidence that time would heal and with a holiday planned we would be ok. However he decided not to try, he said some nasty things and I said nasty things back.
Today he came to pick up some post and we just argued over something petty. I just got really upset as I love him, DS is broken and now under camhs and life is shit. There is nobody else involved (it's been 5 months now). He has had DS over night 4 times and I am exhausted. I am an irrational and emotional wreck and don't know what to do

Not being blase but if you need RL chat, call the Samaritans. They will listen.

I'm glad you are a little calmer now. I have been where you are and MN helped me through so stay on here if it helps.

Please call the Samaritans and talk to them, they were an amazing support to me and always managed to calm me down.

Your DS needs you but I know that in those dark times, it's almost impossible to rationalise that.

Do you have anyone who can come and sit with you? Any RL support?

I'm not sure if it will help you at this point but I realised that no matter how much I missed my ex and how much pain I was in, my DS would miss me 100 times more - forever - if I wasn't here.

I would also advise calling the Samaritans. They will listen and are non-judgemental.

One thing about feeling in the pit of despair - it is really easy to feel that this is life forever now - that you will always feel like you do where you are now - but please believe me, whatever happens in your relationship, you will not. Life moves on. Things change. Where you are emotionally right now is a particularly shitty part of the journey, but it is not the destination.

Please reach out for real life support if you can. You are stronger than you think.

Your DS loves you and needs you. Your are not fucking up his life. You are just in a really low place at the moment, and things will gradually get better, and further down the line you will look back and wonder how you ever felt like this.

On a personal note, 2 years ago I was in the bottom of the pit for my own reasons - and I too thought I was fucking up DD's life. And do you know what? I didn't. Things improved, life changed, step by step I crawled out of the pit and my relationship with DD is so close and so joyful, I can't believe I ever thought that she'd be better off without me.

Sending you much love and

How are you? x

Your ex is your past but your DS is your future. Please remember and believe that things will get better and you can, in time, enjoy a happier life. As Night says, painful times pass eventually although at the time it doesn't feel that it will ever end. Try and get some support from friends, family, Samaritans etc to get you through this tough time. Try to spend as little time as possible with ex and, as hard as it is, please try not to argue in front of DS if possible as it will be very frightening and upsetting for him. Big hug

Please keep posting, as well as calling the Samaritans. Do you have psychiatric help? Could your call A+E for a contact?

I can't cope, and couldn't cope then, and my dd is now 32, married, with a baby, successful - she's got her problems, had her own hard times, but things are way better than we could have expected when I split with her dad.

And I'm happier than I've ever been. 56 years old, into my tenth round of counselling, still suffering from anxiety etc but much, much happier than before.

A few years ago I had a number of ropes in my kitchen ready for the day when I couldn't take any more. Now, I don't even have a washing line... Always hang on. Always keep breathing. Always reach out.

I am not good. DS asleep he would be better off without me. The world would be a better place without me.

Please call the Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

I know the night times are the darkest times.

Please do call the Samaritans.

Sending hugs to help you through.

Please speak to someone... My dd said to me tonight that she hopes she dies before i do as she hates the thought of living without me. Your boy needs you more than you know

My love, each and every one of us has our own place in this old world. And as hard as it is to believe right now, the world IS a better place for having you in it. Even if you can't see right now how you make the world a better place, remember that we each touch each other in some way or another. That means that you have done something, or will do something, to make another person's life better. It may be as smiling at someone who is having a bad day and making them feel better, or encouraging your DS in school some day in the future that may perhaps end up with him pursuing a career in which he cures cancer 40 years from now.

You ARE important. You ARE worthwhile You are a source of love and support to your son. You are a friend, a daughter, a mum. You deserve love and support. Please reach out for it. Call the samaritans, call a friend.

I made it through the night. Thank you

Glad you're ok.

Do you have someone in rl you can lean on a bit today? A friend you can talk to ?
X

Morning Purple. As a poster earlier said, when one is in the depths it feels like that is how it will always be. My relationship broke down nearly a year ago. Painful as it was at the time, I could not be more content now and the peace of mind is like the purest gold. So hang in there and let some time pass. Hope you feel better soon. X

Just dropping by to say hope you are feeling a bit better today and have some one to talk to.

You're good enough. That's all you need to be. Keep holding on.

You made it through last night, I'm sure you are using your strength to make it through tonight too.

Please let us know how you are when you feel up to it.

Tonight is not as black. Thank you for your words. I was just ripped over the edge by a couple of things he said yesterday and felt that I had nothing left. Took DS out for tea and went swimming

So a good day, yes?

Tomorrow may also be a good day, we can only hope and get through one day at a time

Good for you.

Small steps will get you there