Sticking my neck out here-lonely marriage

[fredfredsausagehead1]

Yes that old chestnut.

I'm really unhappy in my marriage to the extent I often despise my DH, and think about other men.

I've never really been in lust with him but chose him as a good partner and Father.

He is nice. He has his work, friends and own interests. I work part time, and look after the home and kids, have hobbies and friends.

However I have for some time felt a horrible sense of disconnection and loneliness. Our sex life has always been odd. In the sense that after 16 years of marriage I have always had to instigate it, this has been quite damaging to me.

His interests are beer and football, I more interested in books, study and culture.

It would kill him if I left him and it would kill the kids.

Anyone else just hanging on??

People (adults or children) don't usually die of marriage break-ups. Otherwise there'd be far fewer single parents.

So what are you going to do? Put up with this for the rest of your life? Start taking lovers? Or leave him?

But its killing you slowly but surely to stay; this is a slow death by 1000 cuts and what if he or you were to meet someone else in the near future?. What if he decided to end this marriage?.

Both of you got this marriage to where it is now and if it is at an end then it is at an end. You cannot stay simply out of a fear of the unknown, not wanting to act or to stay within this for them. They won't thank you for putting him before them and they will call you daft for doing so if you say to them, "well I stayed because of you". Staying as well actively stops you from meeting someone else.

Staying for the children rarely if ever works out well because they are perceptive and often know far more than either parent cares to realise (and perhaps even blame themselves). They pick up on all the vibes both spoken and unspoken between you. For all you know they are waiting for you to leave because you are so unhappy.

Do you really want to teach your children that a loveless marriage is the "norm". This is what you are currently showing them as a model for them to emulate in their own lives.