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Original poster

Opinions on age gaps

19 replies

rubyblue14 · 06/09/2014 13:00

What is people opinions on this subject, does age really matter if your happy. for example a mid 20s woman and a late 40s man? is there more acceptance of this nowadays?

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 06/09/2014 13:02

Don't have an opinion either way but most mid-20 and late-40 relationships will be at different life stages.

Are you the 20 or 40 something?

Original poster
rubyblue14 · 06/09/2014 13:03

20 something

OP posts:
onelifeliveit · 06/09/2014 13:12

I think as long as you are both happy that's what's important. But the down side is you are at different stages in your life, does he want children? Do you? If it works though I would say go for it ??

Original poster
rubyblue14 · 06/09/2014 13:13

He already has grown up children, i have one from a previous relationship, he says he would like more children he is 50 next year though.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 06/09/2014 13:23

How long have you been together?

Original poster
rubyblue14 · 06/09/2014 13:29

Almost one year but we have known each other longer he is divorced about 15 yr ago

OP posts:
ElizabethMedora · 06/09/2014 13:34

From observing my parents in law I'd say the hard bit is when you're older. MIL could be having an active retirement in her 70s visiting her children, spending time with grandchildren etc but instead she is full time carer for FIL in his 90s. However - they have had 35 happy years & two children together (he has 4 from his first 30 yr marriage...) so swings & roundabouts innit.

JeanSeberg · 06/09/2014 14:31

Interested to know why you're asking about acceptance. Does something not feel right? Presumably his grown-up children are similar age to you - do you receive some negative comments?

It wouldn't be for me personally but then you could have a partner of the same age who died young or needed a carer at a young age.

Original poster
rubyblue14 · 06/09/2014 15:27

no one knows we are together, we are thinking about telling family not sure how my parents will react there in there 60s, his children are a very similar age to me yes.

OP posts:
SalvatoreGirl · 06/09/2014 15:52

My DH was 38 and I was 18 when we met. He was only 6 yrs younger than my Mum.
Everyone thought it wouldn't last but we've been married for 37 years and have a fantastic son, so "everyone" was wrong. I'm not saying it has been a walk in the park but then whose marriage is.
Up to 10 years ago he was far more energetic than me - then he got bowel cancer at 67 which has taken it's toll. Yes I sometimes feel like I'm his carer but then that's what I signed up for - in sickness and in health :-) I think the most difficult thing nowadays is the ever present thought that his time is probably more limited than mine and that the special events/days could be the last time we do them so I live each day as it comes and make the most of them.
My advice would be go with your heart - if you love him and he treats you right then who cares what people think, your friends will soon get used to you as a couple.
Your parents will come to terms with it because you're their daughter and they love you.

Joysmum · 06/09/2014 15:58

Funnily enough 3 of my closest friends are married to men at least 16 years older. I can totally see why they are all together and they are all happy.

We're now all in our 40's and I think it's as we get older that issues may come up.

I'd love to hear what ladies in their late 40's with older partners onwards think.

Bisou88 · 06/09/2014 16:11

I think if you love each other as the people you are then age is just a number.

Ive been with someone 18 years my senior and although at the time it wasnt an issue and we had fun, if i had stayed with him i would most likely be missing out on life caring for him through his different ailments right now. It was an easy decision for me to make as i didnt love him, and im happy with a man one year older than me now. But id never look down my nose at two people who loved each other and wanted to be together, regardless of age or gender.

Do what makes you happy but be aware of how you may feel in the future is the advice i would give.

ohthatsokthen · 06/09/2014 16:23

Married 24 years dh is 64 and I am 46. Age doesn't mean anything, if you like him go for it. Just enjoy what you have. Dh is fit and many are surprised by his age (they think he's early 50's). Life doesn't have any guarantees so grab happiness where you can.

Original poster
rubyblue14 · 06/09/2014 16:29

ok thank you for the advice. I do love this man only a couple of my friends know about him and they have said the age doesnt matter, obv some people will wonder what i am doing with a guy twice my age and question him too as im young enough to be his daughter. we both do want children together in the future that will probably have to be in the next couple of yrs. we are started to get serious thats why im trying to find out the best way to tell my family of his age

OP posts:
thinkineed2admit · 06/09/2014 19:30

Cliched but true - if you make each other happy it'll work. I've been in a 30yr gap relationship and at the time it suited. Problems came because I wanted to grow and change but he was happy to stay as he was forever, which I think had been the problem for all the other women in his life too :(

As has been said, plenty of people are widowed young or end up caring for a partner for a multitude of reasons but if he's worth it to you, you'll be OK.

GreatAuntDinah · 06/09/2014 21:20

I know this isn't generally a popular opinion on here but I think a big age gap can be indicative of emotional issues on both sides.

kaykayblue · 07/09/2014 09:49

I don't think there is anything wrong with an age gap like that, since you are in your mid twenties, so old enough to have your own life experiences, etc.

I do think though that it must be very complicated on the medium-long term. One of my friends is in a similar situation. They are a nice couple, no kids involved, but I do worry a little about her for the longer term.

However, on a completely personal level, and completely acknowledging that it's none of my business, I do find something inherently weird about someone who has a sexual relationship with someone the same age as their children.

thinkineed2admit · 08/09/2014 16:46

Well, if the other partner scratches the itch of these 'emotional problems' and both partners are therefore happy, is that an issue? Everyone's got emotional issues of some kind.

F0ssil · 08/09/2014 16:51

I'm on my second age gap relationship now, even though I think I 'disapprove' of them in theory. Disapprove is the wrong word but I don't think it's idea. The last man (before the one I'm with now) was a decade older than I am and in the end, I guess I found him a bit staid. The man I'm with now, he's a good bit younger than I am, although when I first got to know him and then he asked me out, we were both a bit taken aback by the gap between us, so I feel that we are closer in our heads than the chronological numbers.

Now though, I don't feel like every relationship has to maybe be 'is this it!?'. I just think I'm happy now. And I think that's how younger men are supposed to think right? except the one I'm with now is a bit offended that I don't presume we are together forever Confused

I agree with the PP who says that it wouldn't feel right to me to have a relationship with somebody who was young enough to be your child. That's not right. It happens but .............

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