Mental Health Issues

[nonameno]

I have name changed for this.

I have been married for over 15 years, my DH has suffered from mental health issues over the last 10 years, he has been in and out of hospital, attempted suicide on numerous occasions and is erratic most days. He has these issues due to severe PTSD from his time in the armed forces.

I have tried my best to be supportive and do everything I can to help him but I am getting so lonely and frustrated with my life. He is not tactile or affectionate in the slightest, and can lock himself away for days at a time and I am desperate for someone to hug me, or just chat away to me.

I have started to think more and more about leaving him but there are days (few and far between) when he becomes the gorgeous happy man that I married and I get a glimpse of hope. He has no family or friends apart from me so if I leave he will be alone and that kills me.

I have (and please don't judge me to harshly for this) considered having affair, just to have the affection that I crave but without leaving DH. We also have no children and I am approaching 35, so that is something else I am starting to think about.

I have always believed in marriage and want to support him in sickness & health, but I just wonder how much longer he will be ill for, and how much longer I can cope with being this lonely.

Any advice is welcome x

Does he know how unhappy you are? Do others? Are you getting any support? Sympathy? Or are you surrounded by people who tell you that you're being heartless for wanting a better life?

I don't know what to say. I want to tell you to get out, save yourself. What support agencies can he access if/when you go? You are entitled to look for love, happiness, children.

The horror of mental illness rears it's ugly head yet again. It's fair to say that is highly unlikely that your DH is going to ever again be the kind of man you married. Due to the torment of PTSD he has changed into a very damaged and broken man. You have to make a very, very difficult choice now as to whether to stay or whether you try to build a better and more stable life for yourself. Nobody with any insight into your life would ever really blame you for leaving him.
I think you should try and talk to him and explain how you feel. Does he have any support at all? If he is an ex service personnel then they probably have an outreach for people such as him. If he had some support this would make leaving easier.
I think if you had an affair and he found out about it, it could be the final straw for him.
We only get one life and the years go by so, so quickly. Only you can make this overwhelmingly tough decision. It won't be easy no matter which path you choose; just think very carefully about what you may be giving up on if you decide to stay. Life can be so cruel at times.