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Original poster

Flirty texts??

23 replies

Needadvice5 · 06/09/2014 08:58

Hi all, need some advice from you lovely people please!

Been with dp for about 3 years, love him dearly, he is everything I want in a partner.

Just got in after a 12 hour night shift, he went out for a few drinks last night.

His phone was on kitchen side, message flashing away. Gutted I looked because I trust him completely, he's not secretive with phone etc.

Message from a girl he knows, normal chat to begin with and then he puts "I'm achy and could do with a massage but she's on nights" she hasn't acknowledged this so he's gone on to say "all alone, starfishing in bed"
She's not replied and conversation has ended.

is it me or has he overstepped the mark???

I'm shattered from a busy night shift and can't think straight but I'm sure that's full on flirting!

I've woke him and had it out with him, full of apologies. Doesn't think he's done anything wrong, all innocent etc

We've had a huge argument, I'm in floods of tears.

I don't think he's ever been unfaithful but I'm gutted he's flirting in that way!

OP posts:
PamDooveOrangeJoof · 06/09/2014 09:29

Doesn't sound innocent to me at all I'm afraid. It sounds like he was testing the waters and possibly angling to invite her over by saying you were not around.., sorry...

Uptonoone · 06/09/2014 09:45

I think he was trying to engage her in some flirty chat. I would be very upset too.
He seems to like this girl and was fishing for some interaction. She isn't interested and did the right thing by not responding. The fact he was instigating it rather than being led would upset me.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 06/09/2014 09:51

What time do you get home from work and what time did he send the messages?
Was the woman he messages on the night out with him? Does she work with him?

Only1scoop · 06/09/2014 09:55

Yes disrespectful and flirty sounds like him instigating. Not surprised you are upset.

What are you going to do?

RedRoom · 06/09/2014 10:31

Sounds like he's definitely trying to initiate sexual flirting to me. Why else would he repeatedly state he's alone, and mention that he's in bed and needs massaging?? I'd hit the roof!

flatbellyfella · 06/09/2014 10:44

Yes, he has overstepped the mark in a big way, flirting like that, even more so if he was not intoxicated.

badbaldingballerina123 · 06/09/2014 11:58

I didn't read it as a attempted flirting , I read it similar to pam with him angling for her to come over. I wouldn't call this flirting

FelicityGubbins · 06/09/2014 12:17

I would check the calls received and made on his phone in the immediate time after the texts were sent, she might not have replied to the texts because it moved to a phone call instead...

Original poster
Needadvice5 · 06/09/2014 16:17

Hiya thank you for your replies.

Did eventually go sleep after lots of crying!

He was quite drunk last night I think and he's met this girl twice through a sport and she wasn't out last night.

I trust him 100% and feel gutted that he's done this, he's really apologetic and knows he's done wrong.

Didn't check the call history. Too lateaas I've given him his phone back....

Where do I go from here?????

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 06/09/2014 16:21

Well now you know what he's capable of and perhaps even more.

What do you want to do?

Bisou88 · 06/09/2014 16:24

Trust is going to be an issue from now on id imagine...

Original poster
Needadvice5 · 06/09/2014 17:15

Don't know what to do!

He obviously realises what he's done.

I love him dearly, he's so respectful and treats me and my dc really well.

Hes taken the 3 of us on, he supports me in everything I do, I've never had this before and don't want it to end!

I cant stop crying and have to go work soon.....

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 06/09/2014 17:27

Unlikely first time .... You've just happened to catch him.

He's actually very disrespectful

Only1scoop · 06/09/2014 17:29

'The fancy a massage but 'she's on nights.

Vile

sweetnessandlite · 06/09/2014 17:41

What Only1scoop said.
This could be one of MANY exchanges between them.
It just so happens you have accidentally seen this one - before he had chance to delete it.

I also think the way he refers to you as 'she' doesn't sound right. Why not use your name?

If I were you, I would give him the benefit of the doubt for now. It's possible that it is a one-off and he'll never do anything like it again.
But at the same time you need to quietly (and calmly) observe him for a while, he will soon slip up if there is anything going on.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 06/09/2014 17:50

Don't talk of yourself that way saying he's 'taken you 3 on', like he's doing you a massive favour!
He's bloody lucky to have you and you sound far too good for him.
Just because you have children doesn't mean you are a second-class citizen that should be gt earful for any old shit bag!
You deserve better and WILL find better.
So many single mums find love again - you don't have to stay with this arsehole.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 06/09/2014 17:52

P.s funny how he first completely denied any wrong doing.
What would have happened if she had been interested? It sounds like the only reason something more didn't happen was because she wasn't interested.

HanselandGretel · 06/09/2014 18:02

Why does have her number?

Yes, he was trying to engage her in 'sexy chat', inferring that he needed someone to massage him as you weren't around to do it and very disrespectful to say 'shes on nights'.

I'd be livid and wonder what else he has done that you don't know about. Sorry Op.

TimBurgessILoveYourSmile · 06/09/2014 18:06

I am with sweet and only1scoop,
Okay for now but quietly observe from here on in..... Good Luck!

Only1scoop · 06/09/2014 18:08

Sorry Op I know it's vile I've been through similar years ago. My mistake was sticking around for a while.... with a cloud of mistrust.

It's a horrible feeling. Try and get on with work and put it aside as much as you can if you are working tonight. I know it's easier said than done.

Thinking of you

IUsedToUseMyHands · 06/09/2014 18:14

I agree with only1scoop I'm afraid; unless you check his phone a lot it's statistically unlikely that you'd catch him the very first time he sends a flirty text.

badbaldingballerina123 · 06/09/2014 18:26

What reason does he have for having her phone number ? I don't give my number out to people I've only met twice so I'd check this story. Acting sleazy with someone you have met twice doesn't sound right.

Original poster
Needadvice5 · 07/09/2014 08:23

Good morning, just finished another shitty night shift.....
The message was on FB, not aware that's he's got her phone number.
I use his phone alot, he's never secretative with it.
He's been on nights too last night, we workat the same hospital, different departments, have had to be professional all night, barely spoke when we got home.

He seems genuinely gutted, he knows he's overstepped the mark.

Looks like he's deleted her on FB.

I was in a really abusive relationship for 17 years (dc's dad) and my dp has been so so supportive, I don't want to end this relationship, hoping my reaction has made him realise how much he's hurt me.....

Thankyou to everyone for your input.I do appreciate it, off to bed ready for my last night tonight......

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