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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he interested...?

24 replies

LickleMiss · 05/09/2014 22:50

Guy on Facebook has messaged me a few times recently. He used to work for my ex husband, nd I haven't seen him for years. I only added him recently after he requested me on FB. Anyhow, his messages are sweet and funny and mention going for a drive in his car that he is doing up etc etc.
This a common occurrence on FB?? Is he interested? Im 9 years older than him and I just don't see it, but why would he keep sending little messages to me??

OP posts:

cerealqueen · 05/09/2014 23:07

Do you want him to be?

Original poster

LickleMiss · 05/09/2014 23:11

I don't really know him. He is nice looking and I know he is a nice person - my ex said so!!! Yeah, I wouldn't mind going out with him, but would he bother messaging me if he wasn't interested? I cant quite make the tone of message he wants me to get?

IYSWIM

OP posts:

1gglePiggle · 05/09/2014 23:15

Yes he is

Original poster

LickleMiss · 05/09/2014 23:25

And yet, on FB he always has his arm round some young girl who is pretty. I don't look like that in photos, mine are usually fun poses! Or people making fun of me! But I am funny and cute, but 9 years older. And he used work with my ex, although a very
long time ago... jeez, what would we tell him!!

OP posts:

heyday · 05/09/2014 23:44

Just play it cool. If he suggests a drink or ride in his car just casually say "yeah, ok, when?" And leave it that. He may just be being nice because he knows you through your ex. Don't read too much into it but don't totally dismiss it either. I think we all generally have so much more courage online than we do in real life. Just see how it goes, that's all you can do.

Original poster

LickleMiss · 06/09/2014 07:36

Every time I have always thought that the guy is being friendly IE old school friends that have contacted me and we have gone out to catchup, they have both declared undying love for me!! At the time I was just being chatty online!! maybe im slotting this guy into the same category? But!, he contacted me first, he jokingly asked if I could help with his flat decor!!

OP posts:

shesasillybitch · 06/09/2014 15:41

he wants you to say yes go on a day out cant hurt xx havefun x

hamptoncourt · 06/09/2014 16:07

Sorry to be the sole voice of doom but I would tread carefully. Facebook messaging is what I would class as "lazy communication." Has he asked for your phone number?

I have a male friend who messages loads of women in much the same way as you describe. He says things like, "I wish you could come on my holiday with me." " When i move into my new house I can't wait to get you into my hot tub." Flirty shit like that - but I know he sends it to me and some of our female mutual friends and he never ever follows anything through.

For some people this level of flirting is just a game and it is easy to maintain via facebook or text.

I really hope I am wrong but if you are at all susceptible to getting hurt then be wary, that's all. I hope I am wrong and he fancies the pants off you!!

Original poster

LickleMiss · 06/09/2014 19:53

Thanks everyone! Really good to hear your thoughts. I'm just a bit cautious but don't take rejection badly, I'm a big girl! I may suggest something like a drive, I know he would like that, I'm interested in the car he is doing up and he did send me a photo of it when it was painted. I'd love to have a nice bloke around, I know I deserve a break

OP posts:

Greta28 · 07/09/2014 09:13

He is definitely interested. Try to take it as it comes and not think much about it (I.e. what will we tell my ex? - that's going way too far).

9 year difference is nothing - well, depending on what age you are:) If you're 29 and he is 20 then hmmm then I would question his intentions.

Either way - have fun! Life is short and you don't want to be wondering 'what if'

Good luck

Original poster

LickleMiss · 07/09/2014 23:54

I have been chatting to him on text and he has said he 'has always thought I was lovely' Oh God I had to stop myself saying 'oh but Im told old for you' Thats my usual Fault/trick and then I think what the hell does he see in me! I always attract men (because im funny and chatty not beautiful) but I never think Im good enough, but I would really love a boyfriend. It stems from when my ex left me when I was pregnant.

Someone please give me some good advice.

OP posts:

MillyDots · 08/09/2014 01:34

If he is interested and wants to take it further into real life then he will ask you out properly. You don't need to ask him. If he doesn't ask you then he is just playing.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/09/2014 04:54

Keep it simple. Don't think too hard about 'what if'. Next time he messages something about getting together just respond with 'Sounds lovely, just let me know when you want to have coffee/go for a drive/take a walk'. But try to think of it as friends, not 'a date'. Then just see where it goes from there.

Original poster

LickleMiss · 08/09/2014 06:13

And the difference is with this guy is that he hasn't gone down the lewd message route either - cant stand that. Just seems nice and genuine

OP posts:

MillyDots · 08/09/2014 10:10

So he has been fb messaging but he needs to put his money where his mouth is now.

MillyDots · 08/09/2014 10:15

Is he phone texting? Try not to text back everytime. You have a life . Often this can go on and on and not go anywhere so hold back a bit and see if he arranges a proper meet up.

Original poster

LickleMiss · 08/09/2014 14:21

Millydots you are right. He asked what work pattern was and I let him knowing am home all weekend, he hasn't got my number or asked for it yet though. Should I offer it?

OP posts:

MillyDots · 08/09/2014 20:58

Noooo, don't offer your phone number and don't try and arrange anything. Let him ask for your number and ask you out (if that is what he really wants to do). He has asked what your working and you told him that you were home "all weekend".......don't tell him that, let him know that you have a few things on and are not sure when you are home. Don't let him think you are just sitting there waiting for him to text you. It does tend to put them off as you sound like you have no life.

Original poster

LickleMiss · 08/09/2014 21:16

How stupid I am. Usually when this happens, the other asks for my number and then phones, we chat, he asKS if I fancy meeting up, I say yes, and thats it. So why when I want it to happen the same way - I never know what to do

OP posts:

MillyDots · 08/09/2014 21:20

You don't have to do anything Lickle. If he wants to ask you out then he will. Just don't seem to be online all the time waiting to talk to him and don't answer his texts straight away. You have a life . Give him a week and see what happens. He should arrange something by then.

Original poster

LickleMiss · 08/09/2014 21:26

its always when you want something that it doesn't happen. No, not sitting in waiting for him to contact - I do have a life

OP posts:

Original poster

LickleMiss · 12/09/2014 22:38

Just to let you know - I got my date! Slowly did it, but it happened, thanks for listening to my babble x

OP posts:

ChrissieLatham · 24/09/2014 21:03

How was the date?

Original poster

LickleMiss · 29/09/2014 21:18

Date went really well thanks! I have had 2 actually now and he has turned out to be an absolute sweeetheart so I am quite happy

OP posts:

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