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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

he wants out for real gutted :(

7 replies

Littlebluesock · 05/09/2014 22:19

Hi all, need some perspective/ advice.
My dp and I have been together for nearly four years. He is my first love and my head is such a mess.

On monday I asked to watch a video on his phone and he was really shifty about it ( not letting me get to the youtube app on his phone trying to get it up for me) I jokingly made a comment along the lines of ' oh have you got something to hide' and could instantly tell that there was. He then told me there was some pictures of girls on there that his friend had sent him on whatsapp.

I then looked throught his phone and there was a picture of one girl on there in her bra. (I am 100% sure his friend sent him this as the convo added up on whatsapp) I got extremely angry and he cried etc said he was sorry and we sorted it out.I asked him if there was anything else he had to tell me he assured me no. However I had s niggling feeling this was not the case and checked his phone again and lo and behold he has been watching porn and also looking at images of women on tumblr and deleting the history ( not the mobile data though).

The porn on its own of he was honest would not be such a big deal but te tumblr thing hurt like hell! The lying was what hurt the most really. We had a massive argument but ended up staying together that night as I was due to start university the day after and although I was fuming I was also shitting it with the thought of starting university.

I have flitted between ending it and forgiving him over the past few days and tbf I have been hot and cold with him. I sent him a text this morning saying it was over and that I know he is still hiding things from me etc.

He then replied saying ok its definately over I cant do the hot and cold anymore ill bring your stuff round when you are at work. I obviously regretted it and tried to ring him after work and he kept rejecting my calls and not replying to my texts.

This drove me insane as I was flitting betweem being angry and extremrly worried ( he has had MH issues including self harm in the past) I eventually went down to his and he was sat round with all his friend.

I then did the unthinkable and completely humiliated myself screaming at him( they could hear it all) I was just so angry he had let me worry myself sick a simple text saying I dont want to talk right now would have been sufficient.

He came with me on a walk and told me it was over he didn't want to be with me he couldnt deal with the hot and cold, and couldnt deal with the guilt he felt.

He was crying saying he loved me he wanted to be with me ( even though he told me 5 mins earlier he didnt) but he had made up his mind earlier that day and blocked my number which is why he hadnt replied to any of my texts.

I know I said it was over but I am heartbroken. I love him so so much and now hes gone I just wisj we could work throught it.

However I am also angry and feel like he doesnt care as to me it's like hes fucked me ovee doing things he knows would hurt me, lied and then when he feels bad for hurting me walked away and not tried.

Sorry for any typos on my phone. Sorry if this seems trivial but I'm absolutely in bits I thought we would buy a house together have kids etc. However I know that I dont trust him so maybe this is for the best.

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 05/09/2014 22:23

Get out while you still can
Why would you want to be with someone you simply can't trust

Branleuse · 05/09/2014 22:29

im sorry youre hurting. It sounds like he was already losing interest and ypu need to try snd keep calm

NicolaLesley123 · 05/09/2014 22:30

Sorry you're going through this. My own view is that he has let you go pretty quickly and without much of a fight. He has cried and told you he loves you, which I'm sure he does, however he hasn't fought to sort it out with you from what you've said; he even blocked your number.

Furthermore, he clearly had things on his phone which he didn't want you to see; now that you've seen them would you be able to totally trust him anyway?

Sometimes when we feel heart broken, that it because they have backed off. If he was fighting for you would you feel this way or would you be wondering whether you wanted to give it a go? I know it's hard, but it might be an idea to act cool and back off. He might start fighting for you then.

AnyFucker · 05/09/2014 22:32

he cried over you finding a pic his mate allegedly sent ? Hmm

massive over reaction borne of guilt and attempts at diversion

he is guilty as fuck, and there is probably loads more you don't even know about

cut him loose, this one's not a keeper

Cantbelievethisishappening · 05/09/2014 22:33

You need to go non contact no matter how hard you find it. It sounds as if he has checked out of this relationship a while ago. I am also wondering if his eye has been drawn elsewhere. You are hurting but you really must leave him be now. If he wants the relationship to work he will make that known to you but it isn't looking good I'm afraid.

wafflyversatile · 05/09/2014 22:35

I think he has made the right decision and in time you will be happier that it's ended too.

Feels shit just now though. Thanks

tipsytrifle · 05/09/2014 22:41

Littlebluesock - you're having a really shit time but i think he may have got out just before you found the whole world of stuff he was hiding from you. He saw his chance to get off lightly while you care and took it ...

My only advice would be to let him take his chance and go ... AF is right .. not a keeper. Shine, dear heart and just be You ...

First loves are so intensely wild and consuming. Love's journey changes hue and colour, becomes less consuming and more nourishing with time ...

He's not the One ...

That all sounds cliched and yuk so feel free to ignore my opinion lol

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