so, you lot (or most of you) have been telling me to LTB for 2 years now, and this week I spoke about things to 2 different psychiatrists who both...

[throwingpebbles]

Agreed completely with you. Ok so they put it more professionally that LTB but they clearly would have liked to say that.
He's not physically abusive and there are long lulls when things fine-ish, but over the years I have posted about stuff he has done (under a variety of user names) and every time there has been a chorus of LTB and I have tried to listen but always wavered. This week has been a big wake up call for me, I feel I can't put my head back in the sand this time
They have tentatively suggested ' taking a break' to give me time to think more clearly. But how?! One of them suggested moving out to a friends, with the children, but no one I know has the space (south east) and I am worried about it being v disruptive/dramatic for the children.
I can't stay with family as they are all 100s of miles away.

I feel totally happy with the idea that it is best to be apart, I can see that now, but haven't got a clue how to work it practically

(Should have said, am seeing psychiatrist because I have ended up suicidal, partly due to a trauma (ptsd) but partly due to dh/our relationship. I don't really want to go over the details again here, am all wrung out from going over it in therapy. I would really welcome practical advice/handholding about making the break (legal wise I will talk to a solicitor friend soon I think))

Ask him to leave?

What's the housing/marriage situation? Mortage/owned/rented etc etc.

oh dear, it is exhausting talking about difficult things...

House is mortgaged, I work part time and definitely couldn't pay it on my own. However, I am not ready to think about that
Its more advice for the short term I guess, how to go about a 'temporary' separation while I get my head straight and get some breathing space

Talk to Women's Aid, ask if they can recommend a lawyer. It might be possible to have him forcibly removed from the house and kept out by court orders while still being obliged to pay the mortgage.

I think you could take advantage of the fact that it's health professionals recommending you take a break from each other. If you phrase it that, for the sake of your mental health, he needs to move out for a while he's either going to go or stay. If he goes, problem solved. If he stays, it's a little more confirmation that he's not that bothered about your welfare.

All good advice.
Women's Aid should be your first port of call for practical advice, particularly if you can't share too many details here.
Get good legal and financial advice. There are benefits and tax credits that you could get as well as child maintenance and possibly spousal maintenance or a large share of the house or savings. Make sure you have full information regarding all those aspects.

If you feel confident that things don't get worse, particularly that he won't get physical, do talk to him. It will be best if you do it when you know exactly what you want and have all information.
How easy would it be for him to move out?

cogito thank you that sounds like a really good approach. In fact that also might help me in how to broach the subject with family and friends as well. I need, for now, to present it as a temporary thing, even if I suspect it won't be, if that makes sense.

Financially I am pretty sure he will be fair but the issue really is that our salaries (after child care) only just stretch to running one household (south east and mortgage is high)