Do I end it with my husband

[Kac1829]

I have been with my husband 12 yrs he has always had anger issues and been grumpy with have 2 children and been married 5 years , we have had our issues over the years but we seem to be going around in circles coming back to the same arguments I don't feel loved and feels like I'm only here so he can be with his children he say nasty things like fat c..t in arguments but the says he doesn't mean it he has hit me once about 3 yrs ago when things are great they are great is this man worth staying with or do I find happiness else where as I do not want to be unhappy forever I can't fault him as a worker and provider he is amazing around the house , but always comments about everything and anything if it is not done and never is a nice way I feel worthless but I am scared to be on my own with my children but don't want my Girls to grow up thinking it's ok for a man to behave like this I found out about 5 months ago he cheated at the beginning of our relationship I can't seem to forgive him for this

So he has physically abused/assaulted you.
He is verbally abusive to you.
He's a nasty bully.
He's a lying cheating scumbag.
He's doesn't show you affection.
You are unhappy.

I think you know the answer and only you can take the steps to get away.
You are right, you DDs do NOT need this as an example of what relationships should look like, because they should NOT look like this.

Do you still love him?

Why on earth is does she love him a useful question? He doesn't love her! So... Go.

He doesn't sound very pleasant sometimes.

Interesting you say he hit you around 3yrs ago. Can I ask in what way did he hit you & why did you stay with him?

If you check out my thread about my fiancé, you'll see she attacked me recently & she's not allowing me to see her at the moment despite me the VICTIM apologising.

Any relationship which leaves one of them feeling worthless is a relationship which needs to end. A man would only call me a "fat cunt" once whether he "meant it" or not. He's the one who is worthless, you just feel it. Your feelings are likely to be temporary once you've got away from him: he's always going to be worthless unless he gets personality transplant.

You seem to have set the bar very low for his behaviour and very high for yours. When someone cheats on you, hits you, insults you and finds criticism in everything you do it's pretty normal to be unable to forgive and yet you appear to think this is a failing on your part.

I'm a lone parent and it's pretty challenging, I won't lie to you. Nevertheless, however tough it might be being independent, I'm certain it's much tougher suffering daily abuse and wasting your life with someone who wants you to believe you are worthless. Men like that hate women - including their own DDs when they get big enough to be a threat.

Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 are not only there to provide refuge for women whose lives are in danger but they can also help women like yourself who are silently suffering emotional, verbal and physical abuse.

Have you ever shared your story with a trusted friend or family member, or do you keep this to yourself? Do you think people outside your family see this guy as a great bloke?

I haven't shared this with anyone , everyone loves him apparently I am so lucky to have him be got one in a million there but I am the one silently suffering

Thanks for all of your answers and I think I already knew my answer but I don't know why I haven't left him , his dad was also asbusive to his mum he has always had it in him just he has always controlled it but the one time he lost it and I was bruised pretty badly only on the how body know one knows nobody , wish I had the balls to just say go I have tried previously but he then says he has no where to get and then gets to me emotionally

kac, this man is a bully and a prick.

You and your kids deserve better. The thought of going through the whole break up can be daunting buts genuinely worth it when your in this situation.

Call WA X

I just find myself believing that he will change eventually I was blind at the beginning of our relationship I had my eyes closed I think , I finding it hard to carry on as when I found out he had cheated it was with someone I knew also found out he was doing cocaine for the first years of our relationship and I feel a mug how did I never know , god the more I write on here the more I think wtf am I doing it is too late to do anything now will he ever change
he is the sort of person that will make my life a living hell if I left

He's not going to change! Get out before your DC start to accept this is how a relationship should be!

His dad was abusive. He's abusive. Your DC could well carry on the cycle if you don't leave him.
He sounds absolutely awful. You sound nice. You'll meet someone so much better once you rediscover own worth

If in future one of your DC came home and told you his/her partner was a cheating, abusive (former maybe) drug user ehat would your advice to them be?

You're brave for thinking of what probably feels a bit like the unthinkable - getting out.

Your H grew up in a household where violence was present; it is of no surprise that he is now abusive. Look at the example his parents set him.

Such men do NOT change; this is likely why you have hung on and at great cost to yourself now. You do NOT want your children learning such damaging lessons on relationships, they after all learn about relationships from the two of you. You and he cannot be together now.

No man is above the law and you can get away from him.

Women's Aid will help you leave him safely. Give them a call when you can.

Please do start to confide in people. It's quite a commonly held belief among victims of abusive people that everyone else thinks he's a great guy. In reality, friends and family can be very polite & often reluctant to say to your face what they really think in private. Few want to get involved in someone else's relationship. It's only when you admit there are problems that they feel it's OK to speak up.

If you think he will make your life a living hell, even more reason to prepare the ground and get as many people on your side as necessary. Friends and family can provide emotional support. Agencies like Womens Aid can offer practical advice. Solicitors essential for legal advice. If 'living hell' means anything intimidating or aggressive, then you need the police.

Good luck