Does anyone else feel a bit alone?

[mistypeaks]

I moved 150 miles away from friends and family to set up with dh. We have two daughters now one 15months and one 2 months. I have no regrets and still love and adore dh . . . but . . His mom & dad live quite close by and never offer me any help or pop round or anything. They will look after dd1 if specifically asked (or at least 50% of the time they will and I rarely ask) and yet if we don't go round one weekend with dds then we get the "We hardly ever see them" comments. I've said til I'm blue in the face that I'm generally at home and if they ever want to pop in they're more than welcome just to give me a quick call so I make sure I've put my underwear on!! But still nothing. I daren't say anything to dh as he'll either think I'm having a go or he'll ask them for help and I don't want to have to beg or them feel that I can't cope and that they're doing me a favour. i want them to want to help and to see the girls etc. Am I unreasonable? (probably am)

Thanks for that. It is a help to know I'm not just some weirdo who's living in a dream world.

I thin that soiempeople do need an actual inviation to visit, not just an anytime knind.

Maybe you need to invite her round on a specific day.

I think truthfully my fear is that he knows me too well and will:
a) sense my resentment and
b) think I need help.
I also don't want to put more on his shoulders. I know I'm being a martyr!! I just want it all don't I?

tbh, if you have got to the stage where you are relying on your inlaws for company, then I think you probably need to branch out a bit more!

Are there any toddler groups or NCT/church coffee morning things? Perhaps once you start to get out a bit more, you might feel a bit better?

re the inlaws, perhaps you should suggest you make a regular arrangement where they come round to you once a week for tea and the next week, you'll go round to them? They may be the sort of people who don't want to intrude and are waiting for a sort of formal invite.

Its really not they're company I'm after, although that said I do need to go to some kind of parent/baby thing. The main issue with the in-laws is I feel a bit like they don't want to know. Maybe though if I get out more I'll be too busy to dwell on what they're doing or not doing!!

I know exactly how you feel!! I am a good few hours away from family/good friends and 20 minutes away from DF's family who don't seem to give a stuff (to the extent of df's father signing our daughters 1st birthday card with his name.. not grandad!) I have a 20 month old and 2 month old - I know how much hard work it is! I dread going to groups with 2 of them but I know I should! I think in-laws are different when it's the sons children.. sad really

I know I should get out, it would be good for the kids and me, but once I've spent an hour organising them to get out (then changed 2 nappies as they poo the instant I open the front door - always the way!), then walk for half hour to nearest club, spend an hour chasing after the eldest, walked back home etc etc. I just know I'll really be knackered and wanting a break, which brings me right back to square one. And its not as if we don't go anywhere. dh and I have loads of kiddied-up friends who we get together with on a regular basis and have a blast, although its hard enough doing it all with 2 parents. All I can say is single parents out there I really do salute you - how on earth do you do it!!

Well I have finally bit the bullet and discussed with husband. Absolutely no problems (don't know what i was expecting - he's not a monster after all else why would I have married him!! Silly me). Anyway ILs are now taking dd1 for 1 afternoon a week. Am really pleased as now both ds will get quality alone time and I can finally get to the doctors for my post natal checkup! It is worth asking for a bit of help - just have to swallow one's pride!! Still working on going out to parent/baby club tho!! MUST try harder!

Well I have finally bit the bullet and discussed with husband. Absolutely no problems (don't know what i was expecting - he's not a monster after all else why would I have married him!! Silly me). Anyway ILs are now taking dd1 for 1 afternoon a week. Am really pleased as now both ds will get quality alone time and I can finally get to the doctors for my post natal checkup! It is worth asking for a bit of help - just have to swallow one's pride!! Still working on going out to parent/baby club tho!! MUST try harder!