When a friendship turns sour

[YellowAndPurple]

I have (had) a female friend I've known for about 10 years. We used to be close friends in that we socialised together and had good times together. But every couple of years orso she'd take exception to something I'd done or said and not want anything to do with me for a year or so. (I'm a nice person and don't go around saying or doing mean things to people). Then I'd get a phone call and she'd want to meet up and our 'friendship' would start all over again.

Looking back she mostly wanted to talk about herself and her various disfunctional relationships with her family and various FWB. She's got low self esteem but presents as fun and exuberant.

So its happened again - I apparently did something and now she doesn't want anythung to do with me as this is how I always am apparentlly (Haven't got a clue what she's on about).

This would not be that much of an issue as clearly its time to knock this friendship on the head once and for all. Problem is we've both recently joined a sports club which we both really like - great resources, people etc, so niether of us wants to leave it.

The group we're part of only meets once a month and last I felt really awkward as she was doing her life and soul of the party routine, being ever so friendly with everyone and completely ignoring me or just giving a one word response if I spoke to her. Its not a big group so it was was really obvious (to me at least). I don't want to leave this group but would like some tips on how to handle things in future.

We're both in our late 40s, professional people and I have a life away from this person so not dependent on her in any way, but her behaviour is spoiling my enjoyment of the group and it seems unfair that she's behaving like this yet again.

Any tips?

Has she told you what it is that you have done this time to upset her?

No, and apparently she's not going to as its all too stressful for her.

I have done nothing to this woman. I am not a mean/difficult/unkind person.

She sounds like an utter nightmare. Can you just ignore as much as poss? Continue to be nice at gatherings, she'll look like the idiot with the problem (which clearly she is).

She sounds toxic and an attention seeker. I have recently ended a friendship with someone. Constantly guilt tripping me for not having enough time for her & not calling her. Completely self obsessed, total martyr, very hard work. Friendship isn't supposed to be that hard. Sounds like your life is far better without her in it. She doesn't deserve your friendship.

The fact she won't tell you what it is you have supposedly done speaks volumes. What a twat.

Ok then. If I was you I would smile and be polite. Do to let her actions stop you from enjoying your social activities just keep marching on.......if anyone notices and ask you whats going on I think you should be honest and say that you don't actually know!

*dont

I think you just have to live it down. Keep going to the group and let her get on with it.

The following is a fake quote from the Buddha, he never actually said any of this, but I still think it's interesting and I think it's relevant for you.

^"It is said that one day the Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. “You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake!”

The Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man, “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”

The young man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, “It would belong to me, because I bought the gift.”

The Buddha smiled and said, “That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself.”^

I would just ride it out and ignore her silly behaviour. Keep being friendly towards her as if she has never been rude.

If she has a pattern of this sort of behaviour she is quiet likely to repeat it with someone else in the group and then people will begin to see through her.

don't stop going to the group because of her. she's making herself look bad, not you.

sooner or later she's going to end up being an arse to someone else there too. total PITA for you at the moment though.

Could you say you and her don't have to be friends but seeing as you are both in this group it would be good if she wouldn't ignore your or give monosyllabic answers as it's awkward. You understand that she doesn't want to talk about what you've done wrong but let's just call it a day and be civil?

Thanks for all your responses. They're helping me feel better about this nonsense

Be polite to her and be Nice to the others in the group. She will soon show who she really is to them so I would guess that she won't be part of this group for very long.

Also, don't bother making up and becoming friends with her again. She really isn't worth it.

The capital N was unintentional...

If you're polite and friendly to everyone in the group and treat her in exactly the same way as the others then her behaviour will seem out of kilter. Either she'll start being polite back to you, or it will soon become obvious that she's rather rude.

Hard work in the short term, but will work out longer term.