It is so much easier to cheat on your other half these days what with the internet and mobile phones...

[Familytree]

...discuss...

FWIW I think not. In fact I think as a result it is so much easier to get caught out these days and there is so much more to find (Internet history/banking/phone bills etc IKYWIM....

I was discussing this with friends last night and two of them won't have a PC in their homes convinced, yes convinced that their dh's would go on the WWW and start affairs

I think people find what they seek, inevitably.

And if someone is going to cheat/wants to cheat, it will happen, be it via PC, text, clubs, bars, work, etc.

I agree EPIS, that was my arguement anyway. Not right according to them, I don't think it helps that these stories are sensationalised on Trisha etc.

Depends what you constitute an affair.

Personally I think sitting infront of a computer and tossing off whilst sharing fantasies with another woman on messenger for a two year period until he was caught out by the woman he's in a serious relationship with and who gave up everything to be with him is an affair.

Just my take on things.

Well that is my idea of an affair certainly.

i'm having an affair with mumsnet

I found the emails two days before my birthday. He'd saved them in a not so hidden folder on his computer hoping that my lack of technical knowledge of all things computers would mean I wouldn't find them, but in my quest to improve my technical knowledge I click on everything to find out (it's the only way with some things) and that's when I found them. He'd even told her about extremely intimate things we'd done and laughed about them with her and refered to me as a 'friend' when we were in the process of moving in together.

I actually stayed with him for a further two and a half years, during which time we bought a house and had a baby (unplanned). He continued to do it and probably still does it today. We're talking about getting back together and making a fresh start but the computer would have to go. Don't think he realises this yet and I'm not sure what he'll say when I pluck up the courage to say it.

You mean in all that time you knew and said nothing?

I knew and he knew that I knew and what's worse is that I actually let him do it as my self esteem and self worth were so low that I couldn't tell him that I didn't like him doing it.

One of the reasons we split was because I couldn't take any more of that. If we do get back together and make a fresh start the computer goes until a time that I feel comfortable that he's not messaging women whilst I'm in bed nursing our son.

How stupid am I???!!!

Don't say stupid, not stupid. You sound like you have much more control now.

I'm so sorry, gin.

I think now's the time to confront him.

Honestly, you're a bigger person than I am, b/c I know if I found messages detailing and mocking intimacies I'd shared w/my partner and descriptions of myself as a 'friend' whilst we were moving in together, I'd have been so hurt the very least that would have happened was trial separation.

Sorry, I see you've confronted him already.

You know, I think you're worth more than someone who you can't trust.

I do have more control and I actually feel better for saying out aloud (IYKWIM) to other people because I know it's not just me being a prude.

When we next have a proper 'talk' about getting back together then I think it's time I said that not only do I not like him doing that on the computer (which he already knows and has said will stop when (if) I move back) but that I don't trust him not to do it when I'm not in or in bed.

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I'm going to go against the grain and say i think it does make it easier.

I could text and email all evening with someone and dp would be none the wiser. but I could never get out to actually 'see' somebody.. I agree with Ginmummy if you are getting off on each other it's an affair even if you don't physically touch the other person.

I think email relationships can be a lot more intense because you let them know the deeper you (iykwim)

I think it makes it easier.
I had "nearly an affair" with a married bloke some years ago (before I met DH) and I can imagine that if we'd been able to send texts and emails things would have moved on a lot quicker so I'm kind of relieved that it was in the olden days when we didn't have such things

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You're right mellowma, a couple of DH's ex work colleagues wanted to meet up "for old times sake"..unfortunately he'd had an affair with one of them a year after our marriage ( I found out much later when our DS was 9 months old !) and one was a "very deep friendship" (what a lot of bollocks......can't quite see how you can have a very deep friendship with somebody else's DH !!) anyway in both instances I found out, through emails and texts and the conclusion that I've come to is that you can never be totally certain or responsible for what your partner/DH is doing/going to do....and if they ARE going to stray then they will...... I'm a cynical old bird now as this is my second marriage where DH has had affair ....... Hmmmmm must be something I do ??!!!

as a PS to this, in both instances I 'spoke" to the women who were wanting to meet up "for old times sake", suggesting that maybe their husbands would be interested to know what they were up to ... but then I have been known to be a little "forthright " !!!!!

ginmummy. I wouldn't let him have a computer either. I hope you get the resolve you want.

I think its easier. My xh had God knows how many women hanging off his text messaging. I trusted him and never once looked at his phone (which he treasured as though it was his heart outside of his body). How stupid I was.

Once men work out the www they can sign up to any number of msn groups, dating agencies. They can claim to be anyone.

It is easier to get caught out but what if they do it at work?

Horrible thought.

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